Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

WARNING CAUTION ALERT! Extreme heat warning for the area Thursday through Saturday. Temperatures of 90 to 100 degrees Fahrenheit and even hotter Celsius! Heat will be heating during all hours happening within the aforementioned days. All hotness will be permeating the atmosphere with voracious tenacity AND tenacious voracity. That’s degrees of 125 centigrade 274 Calvin. Stay in doors unless it’s hotter inside than outside. Then do the opposite. Hot heat heats faster than other kinds. Be warned. At this time of year the sun is a mere 93 million miles away (653 miles kilometer per hour) and that is too close! Closer than it has ever been! Attention! The warm ness of summer has been super heated to dangerous hotness degrees of heat. That’s slightly hotter than yours truly but not nearly as hot as McDonald’s coffee. If the next few days were a cup of coffee national mandate would require a warning to be printed on the cup cozy which would read “warning: this coffee is so hot it will disintegrate you. Drink with caution.” Do not go outside the next few days. It’s hot heat hotness warmness to the extreme. Extreme temperatures will be outside and not just in your oven or freezer. The cold temperatures will not be. Only hot ones. Do not turn on your heater or light your fireplace. Turn on your cool makers and ice poopers. Eat popsicles for dinner and sleep in a cold bathtub but make sure the water is cold too. If you need help cooling off don’t be hot. Thank you. That is all.