Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

First published Aug 8, 2019

10: Crabs see us as having our shells on the inside.

9: There should be cars with ceramic tile interior and a drain in the floor.

8: The only thing more terrifying than a roaming rabid wolverine would be a roaming rabid wolverine completely concealed within a crappy comical wolverine costume. Think about it.

7: Oatmeal really should not be considered a meal any more than cornmeal.

6: The most exciting kiss one can ever experience is after being fired out of a cannon toward your sweetheart who had also just been fired out of a cannon.

5: Everyone talks about Bigfoot, Sasquatch, the Yeti, the Abominable Snow Man, but the Wendigo has a lot of great ideas too!

4: Basically Ghost Rider’s superpower is creating infernal contraptions.

3: For being a pacifist the Pacific ocean has taken a great many lives.

2: Those hats that hold two beer cans are great but there needs to be something similar for burritos.

1: If we’re so into genetically engineering livestock to serve our purposes then we should make cows stackable.