Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

Lyrics by Prof. Popinjay

On the first day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Toilet paper in my fir tree

On the second day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the third day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the fourth day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Four burning turds
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the fifth day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Five girls from “The Ring”
Four burning turds
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the sixth day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Six psychos slaying
Five girls from “The Ring”
Four burning turds
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the seventh day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Seven axes swinging
Six psychos slaying
Five girls from “The Ring”
Four burning turds
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the eighth day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Eight Michaels thrilling
Seven axes swinging
Six psychos slaying
Five girls from “The Ring”
Four burning turds
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the ninth day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Nine spirits screaming
Eight Michaels thrilling
Seven axes swinging
Six psychos slaying
Five girls from “The Ring”
Four burning turds
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the tenth day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Ten pumpkins smashing
Nine spirits screaming
Eight Michaels thrilling
Seven axes swinging
Six psychos slaying
Five girls from “The Ring”
Four burning turds
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the eleventh day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Eleven Trickers treating
Ten pumpkins smashing
Nine spirits screaming
Eight Michaels thrilling
Seven axes swinging
Six psychos slaying
Five girls from “The Ring”
Four burning turds
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the twelfth day of Halloween
My prankster sent to me
Twelve tons of hummus
Eleven Trickers treating
Ten pumpkins smashing
Nine spirits screaming
Eight Michaels thrilling
Seven axes swinging
Six psychos slaying
Five girls from “The Ring”
Four burning turds
Three slender men
Two bloody gloves
And more TP in my fir tree

On the Thirteenth day of Halloween
I totaled all these pranks
12 Tons of hummus
(It’s gonna go bad before I can eat all this)
22 Trickers treating
(Where’re these kids’ parents?)
30 pumpkins smashing
(Scoop it up, we’ll sell it to Starbucks)
36 spirits screaming
(Keep it down, you’re attracting bears!)
40 Michaels thrilling
(No wonder Billie Jean was confused!)
42 axes swinging
(There’s the wood pile. Go nuts!)
42 psychos slaying
(Makes sense, they’ve got the axes)
40 girls from “The Ring”
(Get off my lawn you little freaks!)
36 burning turds
(Stomp them out, quick!)
30 slender men
(You guys a basketball team or something?)
22 bloody gloves
(C’mon guys, there’s a garbage can right here!)
And more TP in my fir tree
(Won’t have to buy toilet paper for a while. Oh great, it’s starting to rain. THAT’s 364 PRANKS!?! You’re gonna pay for this, Larry! At least help me eat some of this hummus! LARRY? Quit laughing, it’s not funny!)