Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Prof. Popinjay

Throughout history humanity has achieved a great many astounding accomplishments. Nuclear fission, seedless watermelon, and horseless flight, to name a few. But there exists now a new acheivement which makes these fine examples of human ingenuity look like the floundering last minute attempt at a science project by a particularly dim middle-schooler named Dudmeyer. Just when I thought the perfect movie didn’t exist I see Sharknado. This film is low budget made-for-tv garbage and I loved every blessed minute of it!
As a writer and film connoisseur I frequently begin to see films almost algebraically. I notice certain missing variables and can often fill them in with the correct conclusion based on what the film has presented thus far. I’m frequently correct in my analyses and verbal about it to no one but my friend Matt as it drives him up the wall in a manner from which I derive great pleasure.
Sharknado… SHARKNADO, ladies and gentlemen, revealed to me some variables I knew, I ABSOLUTELY KNEW I was 100% wrong about! I thought, “No, they’re not going to do that. It would be hilarious and amazing but there’s no way they’re going to do it. No film in history has ever been so brave or stupid or any combination of the two.” And then… they did it. They did that thing I saw coming a mile away and I was still shocked and amazed! I just couldn’t believe they did it… over and over again.
This is a shark film. It’s not, in my opinion, a horror film. I don’t care for horror. I do like monster movies though. This fits in that category I think. I can’t tell if they knew what they were doing? Were the makers of this film self aware? We’re they trying to be serious? There were serious scenes. Or were they parodies of serious scenes? I just don’t know. I hated the serious scenes. But I loved that I hated them. They WERE cringy. Not poorly acted mind you. Perhaps poorly written? But were they poorly written on purpose? I can’t tell. In fact the only actors who could be called mediocre were often the ones who were immediately eated by sharks. It’s like the sharks knew what was up and couldn’t hack the poor acting so down the hatch! In fact my only real complaint about this film is that the actual shark-consisting-tornado was not a constant impending concern and I’m sad there was never a shot of someone pointing and screaming the word “SHARKNADO!!!”
Nevertheless, this movie was perfection and I cannot wait to see the umpteen sequels.