Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

By Popinjay

Yoga has always been for everyone but particularly in the U.S. its popularity among women is irrefutable. Often regarded as nothing more than simple movements and positions, the fitness benefits afforded by yoga can easily be overlooked by muscle heads who feel grunting and slamming weights is the only way to a better body. But true yoga is not always easy and will humble many a man who tries it. It’s also not only about fitness, it’s about peace and balance of the mind, body and soul. Such things are not attained in a testosterone driven atmosphere rife with clanging metal, fast paced music, mirrors, shouting instructors and screaming gym patrons so be forewarned of any yoga class that incorporates these aspects to appeal to men.

I am no yogi. I can hardly balance a checkbook let alone stand on one foot. I can make you laugh though and with laughter comes healing. So let’s ask ourselves merely for the sake of smiling about it, if Broga is yoga for men, what would some masculine positions be called and how would they look? 

-The Double Arch Pose: This position involves going to McDonald’s and grabbing a Big Mac minus the beef. Eat it with both legs behind your head.

-The Big Toenail Pose: While sitting in a recliner, pull your feet to your chest. Trim your toenails while you have them handy.

-Remote Destination Pose: Keep the remote in a really inconvenient location. As soon as you decide to change the channel do everything in your power to obtain the remote without getting up, especially if getting up would just be easier. Remember, if one tiny part of your body remains on the couch, you didn’t get up.

-A River Runs Through It Pose- Remember that maneuver Tom Skerritt did with his fishing rod in the movie? Now you try.

-Whole Moon Pose: Like the half moon pose of regular yoga butt this time give the guy behind you something to look at.

-Super Hero Pose: Stand legs apart, arms akimbo, chest skyward. Best if performed atop a gargoyle on a building ledge.

Monkey Pose- Hang upside down from a chandelier while eating a banana. Pick vermin from the heads of passers-by. If they protest swipe at them.

One-Legged King Pigeon Pose- Stand on one leg and bounce around into other participants trying to knock them down. The last man standing is the King Pigeon and gets to be carried around by the other one-legged pigeons for the rest of the week.

Self-Inquiry Meditation: While in this pose, sit and deeply contemplate how you ever got mixed up in a yoga class that requires you to hang from chandeliers or perch on gargoyles and consider finding a proper yoga class before you see another full moon.

Thank you for laughing with me. Share your smile. Namasté