Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Prof Popinjay

When I was a kid I had a cup promoting Universal Studios and specifically the Jaws attraction. The cup had a picture of a boat and a picture of the shark but their size relation was disproportionate, making the shark appear big enough to swallow the boat whole. This cup, being my only frame of reference, led me to believe Jaws was about a shark the size of the Chrysler building wreaking havoc on small fishing boats. Imagine my disappointment once I learned the movie featured only a very large shark, not a colossal one. Also, the first Jaws movie I saw was Jaws 3D and that movie sucked fatty. I had been drinking from a cup of lies!

Naturally, when I got my The Meg promotional cup featuring a picture of the shark’s massive jaws encompassing the microscopic bikini clad swimmer, I was skeptical. I had a bad case of PDCSD (Post Deceptive Cup Stress Disorder). 

 But The Meg finally satisfied one of these presupposed expectations. The shark is now actually the size of the Chrysler building. Unfortunately it still sucked but I’m fine with that. Frankly, any movie that is promoted by commemorative cups is likely to suck. It’s not a hard fast rule. They didn’t sell promotional cups for The Greatest Game Ever Played. They didn’t sell promotional cups for Hunt for the Red October. They sold cups for Godzilla 1998. They sold cups for Van Helsing. Not saying I hated these. It’s just a different kind of movie what gets promoted by cups.

Full disclosure: they did sell promotional mugs for Hunt for the Red October but I’m fairly sure that was long after the film was released.

Mug movies are still different from cup movies.

Anywho, The Meg is fine. Jason Statham plays a likable version of himself. It’s a stretch for his range but he does alright.