Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A non-review by Professor Popinjay

Yeah, I was today years old when I finally saw this film. Figured it was finally time to crawl out from under my rock and see what all the parodies were about. When Disney’s Viacom’s Nickelodeon’s “Doug” is doing Casablanca parodies to an audience whose parents weren’t even born yet when Casablanca came out, I need to know what’s going on. It’s clearly a film so iconic, if one does not grasp the references in popular culture, something must be seriously wrong. My parents never sat me down and said “You have to watch this movie about a bar owner in Morocco during World War II.” I guess I was deprived.

——-Well I watched it and you’ll never believe what happened! I saw all the memes! Just about every time Bogart opened his mouth I was pointing at the screen in astonishment with one hand, beer can and cigarette simultaneously in the other. No, I don’t drink or smoke. I just like to to pretend I’m Leonardo DiCaprio while I watch tv.

——-You know what though? I get it. It’s a great movie. My only real complaint is that I had a hard time watching it at twice the speed. They were switching from English to French to German so fast I couldn’t keep up. Had to slow the film down to regular speed. Took me almost three sessions to finish the film.

——-Peter Lorre was in this. I like him. Seems like Bogart was like “Hey (in a gravelly nasal voice) you know that Lorre kid? Put him in every one of my movies if you know what’s good for ya.” I like Peter Lorre.

——-Hey, by the way, if you like the song “As Time Goes By”, then this is the movie for you! Dooley Wilson reluctantly plays it throughout this film more often than Uncle Ben says the “with great power comes great responsibility” line in Spider-man, if you can imagine that being possible.

——-If you haven’t, you should probably see this film. You’ll feel very cultured afterward whenever something references it and trust me, it will be referenced. Here’s to looking at you, kid. Play it again, Sam. Tell ma to let Ol’ Yeller out. I… am your father! NO TICKET!