Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

—–Imagine Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory but replace the Chocolate with Cannons and replace Charlie with a Professor of Greek Mythology. Finally replace charming children’s author Roald Dahl with one who supports mass-murder. This is what you get when you watch George Bernard Shaw’s “Major Barbara.”

—–Were I not in the habit of watching everything in alphabetical order regardless of interest, I never would have watched this film at all! Sure, I don’t need Vin Diesel and exploding cars to keep my interest but this had nothing for me, or so I thought. If you’re an intellectual, a philosopher, a sociologist, a baker, a pawn or a king, this story will captivate you. It is at once audacious and appalling. By the way, if you are indeed a pawn, you’d better do something useful with your life quick or George Bernard Shaw is going to get you!

—–So here’s Barbara. She’s a Major in the Salvation Army. Her father Andrew is a Millionaire Arms Manufacturer and I’m not talking about prosthetics. In fact I’m talking about the reason FOR many of prosthetics. Then there’s Adolphus who falls in love with Barbara and joins the Salvation Army to be with her. Don’t get your hopes up though. This isn’t Guys and Dolls and he doesn’t sing “Luck be a Lady”.

—–To make a long story short Barbara and Adolphus represent Idealism and Andrew the Millionaire represents Realism. The whole film may be a philosophical discussion between these points but Shaw does a fine job of making it interesting with colorful characters. The film compares people who “do the right things for the wrong reasons” and those who “do the wrong things for the right reasons”. I put these concepts in quotes because what is wrong and what is right are never defined in this film. In fact Shaw seems to abandon the defining of right and wrong as beyond human ability. Convenient.

—–I like this film not because I agree with it’s ultimate conclusion. Franky, I don’t agree with it. In fact I am morally opposed to it. I liked this film because even now in this very article it is helping me define WHAT I believe. George Bernard Shaw was ruthless in his opinion. I know there are people who could be defined as cancerous polyps on the anus of society, people who suck the life out of every human they meet and by proxy the whole human race. Disabled people and the elderly do NOT fit in this category. People who for whatever reason cannot get work no matter how hard they try do NOT fit into this category. There remains the few who inflict their pain on others for their own sadistic reasons. Is the answer truly to simply kill them? I’m sorry Mr. Shaw but for someone who can conclude that we as a species cannot define right and wrong, by what right then do you decide who lives and dies? You downplay idealism and yet hold to the most abominable ideals I have ever encountered. I am almost ashamed to have enjoyed My Fair Lady so much.

—–So in the Salvation Army you portray desperate thieves, gloom, and want and in the industrial town supplied by the Millionaire you portray happiness and hope. If Adolphus abandons the Salvation Army and becomes Andrew’s successor will he be able to feed and house so many more than he could before? Perhaps. Is the Salvation Army simply enabling these so called “thieves” and their desperation by simply giving them a crust of bread instead of a job? Perhaps. So we should do away with charitable organizations because they are a hopeless idealistic endeavor?

—–The damning flaw I detect in all this philosophy is the notion that idealism is synonymous with hopelessness. I find this notion to be untrue. Idealism is at the core of our soul. If that offends your modern mentality let me put it this way: I believe our ideal is inherently ingrained in our psyche and only the truly deranged abandon it to solely embrace the tangible. Our ideals are worth striving for and worth dying for. It may be true that war would cease without ideals but rather than damn the ideal, consider its value. If ideals have been used to horrible ends, consider how this undeniable tool of our ideals may be used to benefit the human race rather than destroy. No, I do not like your own Ideals, Mr. Shaw, but I will defend your right to adhere to it. And yet, given the chance, I would also do everything in my power to stop you or anyone else from taking a life you deem unnecessary. That is where our ideals conflict and on those terms I believe a war is worth fighting. You are the cancerous polyp on the anus of society. Thank you for being so eloquently prolific in your horrible opinion that we all may know what a doofus you were.

I highly recommend this movie. You’ll hate it.

I don’t do movie reviews.

Professor Popinjay