Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

—–Kill me! This film was clearly not made for one such as myself. This was made evident by the fact that nothing happened but character development for the first 45 minutes! I came into this thinking it was a Western like “A Fist Full of Dollars” or “Paint Your Wagon”! It wasn’t a Western at all! Despite the presence of cowboy hats and horses, this was a Downundern. I’m all for a good ol’ Aussie romp but there was nary a monstrous dune-buggy nor man in homemade armor to be seen. Instead it was Kirk Douglas playing multiple characters ala Eddie Murphy, except not funny… so exactly like Eddie Murphy. This was pretty much a film adaptation of a Harlequin novel and I’m not talking about the Joker’s main squeeze. I mean I’m surprised the main character wasn’t played by Fabio with a half undone poet shirt. Already he was a stable boy forced to do butler duties to a snobby young heiress. This formula gives a whole new meaning to “Put another shrimp on the barbie.” Trust me, there’s an innuendo in there somewhere. To be fair the film gave them plenty of privacy in the premarital sex department. Did I mention this movie features an equine centipede? That might’ve been a dream I had while sleeping through this movie. Personally, I’m not sure what was more aggravating, sitting through this mind-numbing chick flick or actually getting excited by the climax of the film when Kirk finally gets his comeuppance. Good on ya mite! I highly recommend this film to elderly ladies wearing gold-sequin hats, huge sun-glasses and gaudy American flag sweaters.