Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

—–I’ve not been able to decide for a long time. Is Stephen King a good writer? I think he must be. His books are very popular after all. I’ve never read them as I am not a fan of horror. There’s obviously a call to make many of his books into films but so frequently they’re terrible. Who’s fault is that? Is Stephen King a good director? He directed Maximum Overdrive because “If you want something done right…”. Unfortunately, as I understand it, the rest of that sentence should have read “then don’t do so many drugs while trying to direct a movie.”

—–Any writer of “Through the Looking Glass” will tell you, drugs make you write crazy whacked-out half-focused gobbledy-gook that will be loved by one and all for generations to come.

—–Everyone hails the original IT as utterly terrifying and IT was a tame “made for TV” mini-series. That implies good directing in my four-inch thick book. If someone can create the kind of dread people associate with the original IT through subtlety and suggestion, they clearly know what they’re doing. In all fairness though, I haven’t seen IT. I don’t plan to. Horror. I do like writing about IT though because I can refer to IT generally and specifically at the same time because it’s IT. Speaking of which, have you ever tried an Its-it? Soooooo goood.

—–Now we come to The Dark Tower. It’s written well. It’s directed well. It’s acted well. Who’s fault is this? From what I understand of The Dark Tower books, these are a roiling mess of unconnected happenings linked together by flimsy pretext. Don’t get mad. I am admittedly coming from the perspective of one who again hasn’t read the books. This is the understanding I had before I saw the first trailer for The Dark Tower. Once I had seen the trailer though, it’s focus surprised me. It had a clear plot and caught my interest like so much click-bait. Ultimately, I guess I don’t care to whom should go the credit for pulling this off. The Dark Tower film captivated my interest so completely I lost track of time. I was surprised when it was over and I wanted to see more. The hollywood gnomes were probably playing it safe with the standard 95 minute film duration which I think was wisdom but I think it could have been much longer and I would not have complained. Needless to say, I am ready for part 2.

I don’t do movie reviews.

-Professor Popinjay