Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

——-Appearantly there’s a rule in voice acting that states: If a mouth is open, a sound MUST come out of it. I noticed this phenomenon first in the anime movie Steam Boy. Every time the little boy in the film was looking in awe at some wondrous scene with mouth agape, Anna Paquin (who voiced the boy) filled his mouth with nonstop “ooh’s” and “ah’s”. It got ridiculous as there were many wondrous scenes to gawk at in that film. It’s true for Rebecca Chambers in Resident Evil: Vendetta as well.
——This is (I think) the second cgi Resident Evil film, the first being Resident Evil: Smurfication or something stupid like that. The animation is superb. The plot could have been interesting. The characters could have been interesting. The voice acting was 50/50 (within mere minutes of each other two different characters arch their backs and shout “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Over the loss of a “loved” one. It might’ve been purposeful juxtaposition. Either way who does this in reality?). The creepy factor was real and the action was pretty good most of the time except for Leon riding a motorcycle in places motorcycles could never go.
——-I think this movie suffers from a lingering callback to kabuki theatre. It’s present in many Japanese productions. True, it can be a very beautiful medium but when the long drawn out philosophical soliloquies are the focus of an action movie it really…. slows…. things…. dowwwwwwwwnnnnbutthenyouspeeditupwithakarategunfight. Thanks Capcom!
———I hated how Rebecca Chambers was reduced to kidnap fodder (forced to wear a wedding dress no less) when she’s a cool character in the games. Leon and Chris looked nothing like they did in the games.

They still only spent about six minutes in a mansion but that’s five minutes more than the first Jovovic RE film. Gah! When playing the games you spend so much time in the mansion you almost forget there’s an underground labradoodle! Solving the riddles of the mansion is what those games are about! Why are movies so afraid to spend time in the mansion!?! Why!!! When Vendetta was focusing on the mansion I was so excited because it seemed like they’d be there a while but nope. Just Nope. Whatever. I liked this movie. I would watch it again if a friend had never seen it and he really wanted to see it and paid me five bucks. Pretty sure that’s legal.