Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Prof. Popinjay

I finally watched Labyrinth all the way through. I’m a fan of Jim Henson. I’m a fan of David Bowie. I’m a fan of contact juggling. This movie has it all right?

Well… I’ll say I liked it. But honestly, you know what I didn’t like? The scabbed-over zombie muppets. I know, they were goblins created and puppeteered by Jim Henson and his crew. They moved like muppets. It was full of muppet-esque humor. Aside from being devoid of Kermit and Miss Piggy, this was for intents and purposes a muppet movie. And (Prepare for an unpopular opinion) it should not have been. If there was a movie consisting entirely of puppets a lá The Dark Crystal, I think I would have preferred it. If there were a completely human-acted film like Labyrinth, I think I would prefer that. But the combination in this case was strange to me. And yes I know there’s humans in muppet movies all the time. There’s just something off-putting about super cool David Bowie acting as if being surrounded by puppets it a perfectly normal thing. It is as surreal as that time Ziggy Stardust appeared on a Christmas special with Bing Crosby. Go ahead, look it up. I’ll wait.

The one thing I found very daring is the fact that this film contains no love interest. The crazy thing is, I think it was intentional so David Bowie could be seen as a strange but possible love interest and frankly, even though he is the villain, it would have been interesting to see it play out that way. Suppose all he put the heroine through was just a test of her character! I mean who wouldn’t traverse the perils of a deadly labyrinth to hang out with David Bowie!?! If it weren’t for those damn muppets all over the place…

[Edit: As it turns out Bowie was supposed to BE the love interest but due to the age difference between him and Jennifer Connally at the time he insisted otherwise. Strange that they didn’t just go with an older actress or a younger David Bowie.]