Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

Let me start by addressing the pink frilly elephant in the room. I’m not sure what the creators of this movie were thinking but it’s like they made this for little girls. Frankly it didn’t appeal to me. Nevertheless, despite the fact that I am a grown man, a particularly surly one at that, I have some strong opinions about this movie.

The writing gives no credit to the audience whatsoever, going out of its way to explain concepts that would be obvious to most leading professionals. The action is hardly action at all, consisting of an accidental bonk on the noggin at the most extreme example, followed by no retaliation whatsoever. I think the two would-be rivals even hugged after apologies were exchanged.

Even the Berryfest Parade went off with nary a hitch! Not a single explosion! No industrial saboteurs. No Blue Berry Ninjas. Nothing! It’s like all the creators wanted to achieve was a pleasant scene to show off adorable voiced berry-covered characters.

The love story seemed tacked on and juvenile. The drama however was rich and compelling! When it came down to the final vote to see who got elected as the Berryfest Princess, I was on the edge of my seat, shoveling popcorn into my maw like a hungry hungry hippo! I don’t want to spoil it for you but Strawberry Shortcake wins.

The moral of the story really hit home and despite all this films shortcomings, I’m glad I saw it.

If you’re just hanging out with the guys while the women folk are out eating bon-bons and drinking glasses of water (or whatever dames do), pass around some brewskies, mow down on some beef jerky and fart-inducing burritos and turn on The Strawberry Shortcake Berryfest Princess Movie! You’ll berryly regret it! Ha! See what I did there!