Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

Not to be confused with Tim Allen’s The Santa Clause dodecahextuplegy or Santa Claws, the horror movie I’m sure SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE has made, nor any other movie featuring Santa Claus, this is the true fictional fairytale of Santa Claus’ actual real life fantasy origins told as if they are factually true but not. Also Dudley Moore is an elf. Also he plays the part of an elf in this movie.

I genuinely enjoyed parts of this film. Other parts I ironically enjoyed. It was kind of like they made a live action version of the stop-motion Rankin & Bass Santa Claus is Coming to Town. It’s a lot of convoluted explanations for all that Santa is and does and why he does it. It’s quaint.

I didn’t find it hokey by any means. The actors were putting in great effort considering even some of the more silly aspects of the script and this clearly had a huge budget. Once we get past the Santa Origin aspects, we’re led into a plot about a disgruntled elf who sees fit to leave the workshop to become a dentist, I mean to reunite with his human father, I mean to prove himself to Santa by naively teaming up with a heartless businessman who wants to make a profit off of elf magic. Yeah, that’s the one.

The businessman is played by John Lithgow and, as always, he’s a joy to watch. His villains are always such a treat. When I saw this as a kid it was Lithgow’s character who stood out to me. He was by far the funniest. Dudley Moore was funny too and played the part of the elf as you might expect an elf to be played I suppose but once he’s on screen with Lithgow it’s all over. Lithgow steals the show as the saying goes and it’s just fine with me.

Eventually it ends with some danger and hi-jinks and everyone hugs, the end. All in all it was a good watch. The sentimentality in the beginning was ladled on pretty thick and there’s a lot of long LoOoOoNG shots of characters just smiling warmly at each other or reverently watching he who would be Santa slllllllllooooooooowwwwwwlllllyyyy wonder at all he surveys. It’s a bit like watching the sentimental parts of the Star Wars Christmas Special or Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus was the son of God right? So everything he does must be super prolific and wonderful and mystical and spoken with wide eyes and a sense of urgency akin to the kids in the M. Night Shyamalan The Last Airbender movie! Or, what if Jesus was accessible and down to earth (no pun intended). And this is why I liked Tim Allen as Santa. Sure this Santa was sweet but Tim Allen was fun. And as transitions go, forget about it! They just kill Santa off and bam! Tim is Santa now. All the elves instantly accept him and they get back to work. No wide-eyed wonder. No ten minute warm smiling. No drawn-out ceremony with Father Time coronating him. The elves are used to Santa breaking his neck on the Suchac ladder and they have 7 billion Christmas presents to fabricate. Let’s get this show on the road!

This was a good movie though. I recommend it. However, if Dudley had made just one more elf pun I would be putting every copy of this I could find into a skeet shooter during the national skeet shooting championship. Thankfully it was just the right amount.