Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

It ended up in my vhs collection so I watched it and there’s nothing you can do about it now! All I had was one episode on vhs so that’s all I’m considering. I might watch anything that falls into my lap but I’m not going to spend time and money obtaining something that simultaneously wasn’t meant for my demographic and didn’t appeal to me. It’s a show for babies and aside from crying whenever I want something and this huge diaper I wear, I am NOT a baby!

This is a 1992 series produced and hosted by Shelly Duvall herself. Apparently Duvall decided The Shining was far too frightening for little kids and wanted to repurpose her talents for something that wouldn’t put them in therapy for the rest of their lives. I appreciate that.

Despite this being hosted by Duvall, it’s narrated by a bevy of celebrity guest stars. In this episode we have Dudley “The Elf” Moore narrating one story about a crocodile, and Jean “Never heard of her” Stapleton narrating a story about an alligator. I think. It might have been a caiman. I have trouble differentiating between large semi-aquatic reptiles.

I don’t think the entire series is focused solely on stories of scaly cold-blooded razor-toothed swamp dwellers but as this is the only episode I watched I’m just going to assume that’s the case. Why Shelly Duvall is so obsessed with soggy four-legged organic chomp machines is beyond me but far be it from me to critique the preferences and predilections of the lovable Shelly Duvall.

That’s something actually. The somewhat animated stories were fine but frankly, if I were a kid, I imagine Duvall’s voice and mannerisms alone would be enough to sooth me into ignoring the voice in my head that keeps yelling “C’mon, Wendy! Gimme the bat! Gimme the bat, Wendy! C’MON!”

The show ran for two seasons but might have lasted longer had Jack Nicholson occasionally guest starred. He could narrate some of his cherished bedtime tales like the story of Jack the Dull Boy Who Always Had to Work and Never Got to Play.