Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

Not to be confused with Glitter Force. In this case the G stands for Gerbil!

That’s right. This is a one of those gerbil films you keep hearing about and any movie with Gerbils as the main characters is alright in my book.

Especially when it features a mole voiced by…

NICK!!!!!!

EFIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGG!

CAGE!!!!

Do you really need to know anything else about this?

I hope not because I can hardly remember anything else about it. The plot was your standard gerbil plot, full of gerbil plot devices and gerbil characters and events that furthered the plot along gerbil. Eventually there’s a gerbil climax and a gerbil resolution and every gerbil is happy. The plot really wasn’t the point of this film though. The point of this film was that gerbils are secret agents. They do secret agent gerbil things and you get to watch until they stop.

At one point the girl gerbil stands on her hind legs and does a sexy walk like a seductive human female and a boy gerbil is like “oh yeaaaaah”. If the girl gerbil was instead being all gerbilly and the boy gerbil said “oh yeaaaaah” we as the audience would not understand that the boy gerbil was sexually aroused by the girl gerbil because we as humans don’t understand what makes gerbils sexy unless they’re acting like sexy humans. It’s a very important point that we as the audience understand that the boy gerbil is sexually attracted to the girl gerbil because… because… uhhhhhh, I got nothing. This has nothing to do with the plot or anything. I think the director just thought it was funny but I don’t like to think about gerbils in that way. Let’s move on.

The idea for this movie came from the director’s son. How would you like that? One day you say “Hey dad, what if my pet gerbils were secret agents?” And dad says “Great idea, son! And one of them will be a girl gerbil and we’ll give her voluptuous human hips and she’ll walk like a runway model and… and…”

“Dad, are you okay? You’re foaming at the mouth!”

It’s said Nicolas Cage used the same voice for his mole character that he used in Peggy Sue got Married. Really? Someone noticed a similarity? Nicolas Cage isn’t exactly the man of 1000 voices.

It was cute and not very memorable other than seeing gerbils do secret agent stuff and then Nicolas Cage. It’s an all-star cast but Nicolas Cage, as usual, out-Nicolas Cages them all.

If you loved Peggy Sue Got Married and Gerbils then you’re gonna love  Peggy Sue Gets Gerbiled.