Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

The mom. Queen Uberta, voiced by Sandy Duncan and then Christy Landers. She pretty much makes these films worth the watch. The rest is fine. No complaints really. John Cleese and Steven Wright are fun. I like Bridget from the first film who later becomes good and helps out in the second. They (gnomes) usually kill off characters like that but she gets to be an integral part of the sequel. It’s nice to see baddies get reformed.

I must say, I really appreciated the disappointment the Princess had when the only reason the Prince could come up with for loving her was because she was beautiful. I won’t spoil how this all plays out in the end but it’s very rewarding. Good job writers.

The villain in the first, Rothbart (voiced by Jack Palance) is your standard trope of an evil wizard with no idea how to appeal to the good graces of the human female even though that’s apparently the only way to take over the kingdom. I guess that’s what makes him a villain? Arrogance? An unwillingness for self-improvement? Can’t solve all your problems with dark magic, fella.

Really that’s the problem with dark magic in general. You get dependent on it. You start out summoning an elder demon to thwart your enemies. A few years down the road you’re summoning elder demons to help you clean your flat and go get your mail. Lazy. And considering all the symbol drawing, candle lighting, and incantation chanting, wouldn’t it have been easier to just clean your apartment the old fashion way? Not to mention all the lesser minions crapping all over the place. Dark magic is just more trouble than it’s worth.

Queen Uberta, the Swan Princess’ mom, really takes center stage in Escape from Castle Mountain. She gets taken just before her birthday party and she is NOT in the mood to be kidnapped! She insists the henchman of Clavius (the new villain) facilitate a birthday party for her right there in her cell. She drives Clavius nuts and it’s quite enjoyable. Clavius’ Rock and Roll song complete with magic electric guitar is a nice touch too.

These films are produced by former Disney artist Richard Rich, who worked on Disney’s Fox and the Hound and The Black Cauldron. He later went on to produce Swan Princess films and several straight to video releases based on the Bible and the Book of Mormon, all distinguishable by gigantic noses.

The Swan Princess flopped in theaters, competing as it was with a rinky-dink low budget production by a no-name corporation which happened to come out at the same time and rake in 10 billion dollars worldwide. You avant-garde independent film buffs might have heard of a little college project called The Lion King? Yeah, I’ve never heard of it either.

That didn’t stop Richie Rich from cranking out ten more sequels to this tired horse and darned if I don’t see all of them! He put two out in 2023! It’s almost caught up with The Land Before Time! Three more to go and Rich will have it in the bag.

Fun fact: This article got a little confused as I wrote it because I couldn’t differentiate events from one movie or the other and they all got jumbled up in my memory plus a random scene from Bartok The Magnificent.