Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

10: The Norse Axe Tossers and Their Frightened Woodland Pals.

9: The Chicago Belching Choir.

8: A massive balloon in the likeness of Kim Kardashian that they continue to inflate throughout the duration of the parade until the inevitable occurs.

7: Krampus

6: Marylin Manson playing his Christmas Album.

5: A marching troop of children who are genuinely happy to be there.

4: Chainsaw Twirlers.

3: Bigger mustaches.

2: A 27 piece marching pipe-organ band.

1: YouTube muckbangers dressed as Santa eating Tacos and Cordogs by the fistful.

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