Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

I know I was harping on the Brothers Grimm for the dreariness of their collected tales what with the harsh lessons and death and all. I make no apologies. But it is undeniable, German children ate these stories right up back in the day (Thursday, 1812). 

The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm is a fantastic and ambitious achievement. Featuring a star-studded cast and a wide variety of storytelling mediums, this film is far superior to the hot garbage Brother’s Grimm film that hit the screen in 2005 starring Matt Damon and Heath Ledger.

WWotBG pieced together a charming story of the Brother’s struggles through work and family life. As one of the brothers traversed these hurdles by working hard, he finds himself frequently frustrated by the lack of focus from the other brother who prefers to collect these children’s stories instead. As each story is encountered it is told in its entirety. You might think this slows the story down but it’s so well done and well paced, I never found myself bored or wanting to speed things along.

This method of storytelling is in stark contrast to the 2005 film where the brothers are depicted as grifters cheating villages out of their communal money with ghost stories and hoaxes only to eventually stumble upon a bizarre gobbledygook of actual fantastical nonsense; an untraceable mixture of weird shit deep from the crevasses of Grimm’s fairy tales that no one has bothered reading since 1812 because they were weird and pointless.

You see, the Grimms traveled the countryside collecting stories from anyone who had one. Sometimes these stories were delightful accounts of magic and princesses designed specifically for children. Other stories were just some drunk talk about a horse shooting spiderwebs from its mouth and kidnapping naughty children who refused to eat all their günkelschtimpt. Problem is the Grimms seemingly made no distinction between a fanciful fairytale and Lush Onkel Heinrich’s story about the weird thing he saw after a night of drinking and Schuhplattlering. Into the book it went! It was horrific then and it’s horrific now. That’s why it was put into the 2005 film which was undeniably a horror movie in disguise. It’s also what we in the fatherland call… schtüpit.

The WWotBG DID make the distinction though and chose stories that weren’t (how do I put this) creepy beyond all reason? It was a breath of fresh air comparatively and it had a great ending. The 2005 film just ends and I was glad it was over. It was just gross.

I will say this though: The 2005 film has one of the most epic opening themes I’ve ever heard. It’s on par with Gladiator but much livelier. Check it out. Skip to 1:24 on “Dickensian Begginings” and pump it in your living room until your family wonders what’s wrong with you and when they ask you to turn it down tell them No!