Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

Some people swear by Ernest P. Worrell. I’ve known some for whom Ernest is an institution in their family. He’s what brings them together despite their differences. I’ll not say a thing against the character. I get it. He’s very quotable.

And I have mad respect for Jim Varney both as an actor and a person. He was great as Jed Clampet in the 1993 Beverly Hillbillies Movie. It was wonderful to hear him as the voice of the slinky dog in Toy Story. He was awesome in 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. I think Jim was a fine actor and very entertaining to watch no matter what part he’s playing. And he sounds like a genuinely nice and generous person.

The Ernest movies have gone up and down in allotted budget but each have a similar charm thanks to Jim Varney’s iconic character. Granted he might be an acquired taste but generally, I rarely find a person who just flat out can’t stand him if they know who he is.

I was once counseling at a kid’s camp (ages 6-10) and the speaker at this camp, while otherwise rather fun and appealing to the age group, occasionally would fall into an Ernest P. Worrell impression and these kids were clueless as to who he was mimicking. He, too, seemed clueless as to the ignorance of his audience. I found the whole exchange quite amusing as one of the few in the audience who would catch his references and call backs. It was a decent impression. Too bad it was wasted on these great but oblivious kids. Now if he could do an impression of Carl from Jimmy Neutron, they would have been eating croissants out of his hand… not that he would’ve permitted that.

My first experience with Ernest was the vhs release of “Hey Vern, It’s My Family Album” (1983) followed by “The Ernest Film Festival” (1986). Both consisted of a bunch of Jim’s characters, skits, improvisations, and old commercials (which is where the character originated). I would probably appreciate these a lot more now but when I was a kid, they bored me to tears. I was just too young to understand what he was babbling about. I thought it was funny when Vern would push the ladder back and Ernest would suffer a terrible mishap but that was about it.

Eventually you get to some bigger budget movies that feel like actual movies with a plot and characters and good feels such as Ernest Goes to Camp (1987), Ernest Saves Christmas (1988), Ernest Goes to Splash Mountain (1989, a promotional film for Disneyland’s opening of Splash Mountain) Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Ernest Scared Stupid (1991), and Ernest Rides Again (1993).

I think these later films fared better because they were made with kids in mind with some mild adult humor peppered in. Each installment had a theatrical release and was generally well received by Ernest fans. I don’t recall much about Ernest Goes to Camp but Ernest Saves Christmas was a classic. We even watched it at school for a Christmas Party.

I actually saw Ernest Goes to Splash Mountain on tv the only time it aired and, so far as I know, it’s never been released on video. It can be seen on YouTube though in all its 22 minute glory. If you’re an Ernest fan and you missed this, stop reading and go watch it! What are you waiting for!?!

Ernest Goes to Jail is notable for featuring Jim Varney as two separate characters: one as Ernest the protagonist, and the other, a look-a-like antagonist. June Diane Raphael (Long Shot), once expressed an attraction to this antagonist which led to the inclusion of the line “bad Jim Varney looking kinda nice” in the theme song for the “How Did This Get Made?” podcast.

Personally, I find “Ernest Goes to Jail” to be a much more entertaining version of Face Off and even MORE interesting if viewed as an origin film for Magneto from the X-Men comics.

Ernest Scared Stupid is excellent. It has Eartha Kitt and some repurposed masks from Killer Klowns from Outer Space so that’s reason enough to watch it in my book. But it’s a fun movie to boot. I still call milk “authentic Bulgarian miak” because of this film. I got to see some of these masks at Disney’s MGM studios, particularly the troll called Lobey.

Ernest Rides Again is pretty fun too. I love when the protagonists are transporting the massive cannon and Ernest is climbing on it while in transit. The cover comes off so it looks like the cannon is being aimed at the motorists behind them and the motorists think Ernest is carjacking them… with a giant cannon!?! Great stuff.

Unfortunately, Ernest’s following diminishes around the time of Rides Again. The next few films have very limited theatrical releases or go straight to home video. The budget is clearly far below what it used to be. After 1993 we get Your World as I See It (1994, another reel of short skits and Varney characters), Ernest Goes to School (1994), Slam Dunk Ernest (1995), Ernest Goes to Africa (1997), and finally Ernest in the Army (1998).

I only recently saw Ernest in the Army. I have to admit, there were a lot of groaners by which I mean jokes that definitely qualified as jokes but they might have been funnier in a group more than watching this alone. I did love the segment where some “Tank Patch” gets mixed with Ernest’s pancake batter. Just the notion that there is a product called “Tank Patch” for patching holes in armored tanks is hilarious. It makes his pancakes so dense people can hardly lift them. Love it.

I’m wondering just how culturally sensitive this film is, considering who the villain is and who he is played by. At the same time there is a definite separation between the villain and good people of the same race and culture so it’s balanced. The idea that the villain is just the villain and that fact has nothing to do with his race or culture is very clear. I’m sure Mr. Varney wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s not a hateful or malicious bone in his body.

Ernest In the Army was decently amusing and a must see for any Ernest fan. It’s a pity the budget went down but the man kept doing what he loved until the end and I applaud him for that.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must venture to my place of relaxation and entertainment that I may solemnly view “Dr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam (1985).” ‘Tis apparently the first feature film to star the stalwart Ernest and it has Jim Varney playing the bad guy as well! Nothing did I know of this film or its existence prior to writing this article and now I must immediately rectify this almost unforgivable lapse in my ever perpetual quest to watch all productions new and old sans the horror genre cuz gross. Know what I mean, Vern?