Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

(1985)

A must see for Jim Varney fans but drudgery for all!

I first learned of this film’s existence while researching for the article “The Brilliance of Ernest P. Worrell”. Yes, Ernest is in this film technically but not in abundance. In fact Ernest is basically a cameo. Although, I did encounter different versions of the film, one of which had an extra scene at the beginning which insinuates the evil Dr. Otto Von Schnick ick ick is in fact Ernest the entire film but it seems like an afterthought.

The idea is there’s this machine what changes you into any disguise you need. Dr. Otto (Jim Varney) uses this to become different classic Jim Varney characters which are employed to foil the protagonists. Put that plot line in a box and push it off to the side because the version with Ernest at the beginning changes this up a bit.

In the alternate version, Ernest does his “Hey Vern” routine for a minute and then gets into this machine thus turning him into Dr. Otto. So Otto is just an evil version of Ernest, dressed like a member of KISS with a hand coming out of the top of his head.

The plot is forgettable. The music sounds like a non-copyright infringing remake of “Oh Yeah” by Yello. The cinematography is limited to a lot of low angles so Dr. Otto can have an actual somebody’s hand wiggling on his forehead. The “protagonist” is unlikable and never redeems himself, always being super arrogant and idiotic and running his partner, Doris, down verbally all the time. Meanwhile, Doris is clearly the brains of the operation despite being forced to play second fiddle to this jerk. I think this dynamic was played for laughs but it’s never remotely funny.

Eventually the film goes into some flashbacks to show that Dr. Otto and the protagonist have a history together á la Megamind but that makes zero sense if this guy only recently manifested when Ernest goes into the disguise machine. I guess it depended on what version you’re watching.

The only enjoyable aspect of any of this is, as you might expect, the showcase of Varney’s characters, but even Dr. Otto’s monologuing begins to grate. Honestly, the funniest part (IMO) was Varney’s “Auntie Nelda” who is constantly complaining about her lazy deceased son, Haimey. Leave it to Jim to make something so morbid genuinely humorous but it did help that she was technically the antagonist in this manifestation. After she drugs the protagonists and they fall face first into their meal, she says in a disinterested tone, “Hmm, they remind me of Haimey.”

Have to admit, that got a guffaw out of me.

All in all it seems like some fledging director just happened to know Jim Varney and wanted to make a movie with him doing his schtick. As this was Varney’s earliest feature length film with a limited theatrical release, perhaps this is what segued into the bevy of decent films that followed. If you’re a Jim Varney fan, don’t feel bad about skipping through to see just his parts. If you’re an Ernest fan, don’t be fooled by any vhs tapes with his grinning face emblazoned on the front. Ernest is in this for all of two minutes. And if you are a fan of neither, skip this entirely. I’m sure you already have.