Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

(1962)

I don’t know about you but for me, a long week of high school would culminate in a trip to the video rental store where my friends and I would attempt to find the worst, most make-fun-able movie we could find. From Troll 2 to Santa Claus vs the Martians, we thought we’d seen them all. But the weekend we stumbled upon “Eegah!” would go down in infamy.

We had seen plenty of bad movies but none so entertainingly bad! It was a masterpiece! And it produced a myriad of inside jokes amongst my friends and I. The caveman word “Shtemlo” became a standard greeting and “Watch Out for Snakes!” was our farewell.

Eegah! stars Arch Hall Jr. and Richard Kiel. Arch Hall Jr. is the blonde pompadoured wannabe Elvis Presley with Arch Hall Sr. acting as his promoter apparently. Richard Kiel most will remember as Jaws from the James Bond films “The Spy Who Loved Me” (1977) and “Moonraker” (1979). Younger audiences will remember him as Mr. Larson from “Happy Gilmore” (1996), the tall man with the nail in his head who threatens Christopher McDonald’s character throughout that film. Kiel could be a funny guy if he wanted. He was not supposed to be funny in Eegah!

Of course Kiel is the title character in this film. That’s right. This is a film about a guy named Eegah exclamation point! He’s a caveman in modern times as you may expect. Inspiration for Encino Man? Paulie Shore is great and all but he’s no Arch Hall Jr. Doesn’t even have a pompadour.

Don’t expect any wacky fish-out-of-water hijinks though. Eegah needs to propagate his species and that means Arch Hall’s girlfriend is in trouble! Naturally she gets kidnapped and dragged to Eegah’s cave. In an immediate case of Stockholm syndrome she decides Eegah could use a good shave. Eegah on the other hand decides the taste of shaving cream is delicious.

I have to say when it comes to films that feature Richard Kiel’s tongue, Eegah! has the most in both screen time and amount of tongue seen. I didn’t measure but just off the top of my head I’d un-generously estimate at least 14 inches of tongue was on display at one point, lapping up shaving cream like it was my mom’s potato salad.

The whole thing culminates in the recitation of a Bible verse that really makes you think.

“There were giants in the Earth in those days…”

Profound!

This is taken from the verse in Genesis: “There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.”

It’s a weird verse and no one really knows what it means. Some scholars like to imply the verse is referring to angels “getting busy” with human gals but personally I like to think it was just Eegah looking for a date.

If your brain is too tired or unimaginative to lampoon this movie, Mystery Science Theater 3000 has done it for you. Either way you watch it, this stinker of a film is thoroughly entertaining for the tongue action if nothing else. Consider this thoroughly recommended if you love hilarious terrible films.

And remember…

WATCH OUT FOR SNAKES!