Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

(2007)

I had zero interest in this until I realized both Christopher Walken and John Travolta were in it. I don’t know what it is about Travolta that captivates me so. He has this strange charisma about him that just seems supernatural, whether he is being deadly serious or hilarious. It’s like he’s having so much fun all the time no matter what he’s doing. If I met someone who exuded his type of aura in real life, I would have to wonder if that person was wearing a mask and beneath it might be hiding John Travolta, even if it were me. Am I John Travolta? Has he been acting as me this whole time and I didn’t even know it? Yes, he’s that good!

Travolta plays Edna Turnblad, mother to the main character, Tracy. Christopher Walken is Edna’s husband. Why these two actors? Because they can dance… and Walken can lift Travolta. I assume he can anyway. They might have used wire removal techniques.

I hear some of the songs had been revamped from their original broadway versions to tone down the campiness. I’m curious to hear the differences. How exactly do you make something uncampy in a musical that seems to be made with camp in mind? That’s like redoing the musical Cats so that it has a point and also anthropomorphic buttholes.

I certainly found Hairspray more palatable than the High School Musical dodecahextuplegy, or whatever installment they’re up to now. At least this had a point beyond “ooh somebody likes me!”

Wait, both John Travolta and Michelle Pfeifer were in this? Is this because one was in Grease and the other was in Grease 2 but they were never in a Grease movie together so now they’re finally in a musical together!?! I friggin’ hate Grease! The whole thing is a hot mess of red flags and warning signs! Is Hairspray basically Grease 3!?! I knew Grease would end up this way!