A Non-review by Professor Popinjay
NO spoilers FOR FANTASTIC FOUR FIRST STEPS!!! Perhaps a few for these other titles.
In this Non-review I shall muse on:
- The Fantastic Four (1994)
- Fantastic Four (2005)
- Fantastic Four: World’s Greatest Heroes (2006-2010)
- Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (07)
- Fantastic 4 (2015)
- The Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025)
Many of my millions of readers might be confused by the existence of five Fantastic Four films. The 1994 film, directed by Roger Corman (Little Shop of Horrors), was never intended for release as I understand it, and was made solely as a contractual obligation, enabling Fox Studios (or someone) to maintain the movie rights. That’s the word on the street anyway.
At some point, the film was leaked and I got to see it back in like 2003 I think. Boy howdy, was it bad!
The most ridiculous part? A POV camera shot from the perspective of a blind person. How can we be seeing from her point of view if she’s blind? Absolutely brilliant.
The costume for The Thing I thought was actually impressive for the time. It’s obvious that’s where most of the funds for this production went.
I honestly can’t tell if this is genuinely bad or if they were trying to make it bad on purpose. I now know the actors were unaware this whole production was a scheme. Very sad, actually.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my recognition of Jay Underwood (Human Torch) as having played Chip in Disney’s TV movie trilogy Not Quite Human (1987), Not Quite Human II (1989), and Still Not Quite Human (1992).
It seemed like the NQH films were always playing on the Disney channel back then. They might be partly responsible for inspiring me to pretend to be a robot for much of my childhood.
In 2005 we got what many called a decent Fantastic Four film. Some of it was a bit tongue-in-cheek but for the most part it was a pretty enjoyable film. The villain Dr. Doom seemed a bit small-time compared to the comic book version.
This was a Marvel film made by Fox long before Disney purchased all IP on the planet Earth so we have Chris Evans as the Human Torch before he played Captain America. Could they be one and the same!?! The American Torch!?! Hmmmmm.
Captain Human? Human America?
Captain Torchica. That’s the one we’re going with.
From 2006-2010 there was a decent anime-style animated series which I enjoyed immensely. Other FF animated shows came and went. Some seem decent enough. Others are kind of hokey. The 2006 version just gripped my attention because the artwork is so sleek and always on model. I’m sure some will appreciate the older shows for nostalgia’s sake but this one is my jam.
I have to give props to the 2005 film for meriting a 2007 sequel, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Unfortunately, it fell flat of its expected returns. I remember liking Lawrence Fishburne as the voice of the Surfer. The most interesting parts of this film was the power swapping scenes but those scenes were short-lived and kind of gimmicky. It didn’t seem to affect the plot much.
Of course Galactus was heralded by the Surfer in this film as anyone knowledgeable of the Silver Surfer might expect but when Galactus finally shows up, he’s just a big space cloud. Stupid. With as much as everyone hated this, I’m suprized Ang Lee did it again the very next year in The Incredible Hulk with Eric Bana. I was getting so sick of seeing the heroes fight clouds. STUPID!
The only thing remotely Galactus-shaped was a shadow on a planet. At least Parallax had a face in the 2011 Green Lantern film. That film was also stupid. I’m sure you recall.
The predilection to modernize super heroes by making them darker and their films grittier ultimately makes them all too similar to each other in the end and sadly not very interesting. It might continue to work for Batman so long as we can actually see what’s happening on the screen. But the darkening of the Fantastic Four just made it so much worse. The 2015 Fantastic Four was darker than any of its predecessors, its characters younger than any of its predecessors, and its plot virtually non-existent.
When I heard how terrible the 2015 FF film was, I got so excited! I had to see it in the theatre with friends! I rounded them up, bought tickets, skated through my closing chores at the restaurant, and made a mad dash for the theater. The person taking tickets bade us enjoy the movie in such a way as to imply “you bunch of weirdos”. This added all the more to our merriment.
We were the only group in the theater. This meant we had carte blanc to lampoon this tripe and lampoon it we did, mercilessly. Between this hot garbage and the 1994 version, I’d prefer the 1994 version! At least that one featured the action in front of the camera instead of on screen in the back of dark rooms where boring meetings are being held. I’d watch Batman and Robin (1997) over this. We had a great time making fun of this. Good memories.
It would be a long time before Fantastic Four would rear its ugly head again. Or, at least, we were afraid it was going to be ugly so the gnomes locked FF the basement. Then we had Covid. Then Disney bought Fox. Then John Krasinski teased us with an alternate universe Reed Richards in Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness.
Turns out the answer was not to make it darker, not to modernize it, but to make it brighter and UN-modernize it. I think we’re tired of dreary anti-heroes.
The Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025) takes place in a hopeful and prosperous retro 1960’s vision of the future where a little cheesiness is not only forgivable, it’s welcomed. Our heroes are a close knit family, not dysfunctional. Reed and Sue are played by the oldest actors yet, with Pedro Pascal at age 50 and Vanessa Kirby at 38. These characters exude an undeniable wholesome parental vibe on purpose. The film is bright and exciting and so is the music! Composer Michael Giacchino knocks it out of the park!
And by golly they did Galactus right this time. No cloud fights in this movie! The sheer magnitude of it all can only be truly experienced in the theater; IMAX if you can get it.
I’m sure there’s someone complaining about Silver Surfer being a female in this rendition but it makes sense for the story. The comparison between Sue Storm and the Surfer is important and the female connection drives it home. Really, I was in tears, learning the Surfer’s backstory and I knew it already. It just hit different this way.
It seems like Marvel has been having a dry spell with only a few decent Disney+ shows. This felt like some high quality Marvel finally! Do yourself a favor and see this in the theatre.
For a superb and detailed assessment on the intricacies of Michael Giacchino’s musical score, I highly recommend this article by Jonathan Broxton: (click the link below)
For an inside story about the original 1994’s cast, exactly what they knew, and their involvement in the new film, see this article by Anthony Breznican:
Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity 
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