Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

(1998)

Friends at school would ask me if I had seen movies like this. My knee jerk response was “Why would I want to watch a movie about people doing drugs?”

Then one day Kevin Bacon taught me to dance! That’s not a euphemism for doing drugs. It is however a euphemism for having a stick surgically removed from my butt and THAT’S a euphemism for I eventually relaxed a bit.

I still will probably never smoke marijuana but I do drink Mt. Dew. Also, I might have a wine cooler now and then. Sometimes I might even imbibe in a small glass of wine. On occasion I’ve been known to down an entire pitcher of sangria or a 20 pack of Bailey’s Irish Cream. I’ve smoked a cigar before. The man’s wife was having a baby. I didn’t want to be rude so I smoked 10 of them. I snorted some red Kool-aide powder on a dare, also 6 lines of pure Nicaraguan Nose Candy!

Most of the food I eat sends me into a euphoric dream state for a couple hours. If a plate of teriyaki chicken can be a mind altering drug, why should I balk at marijuana use? I’m not interested in it but I know some folk who could use a fat spliff every once in a while. Usually it’s them that are inserting the sticks. That’s a euphemism for jerks that get uppity about what other people do or don’t do.

When I happened to find the film Half Baked in my possession, I decided to see what all the hullabaloo was about. I mean I watched the movie. I didn’t pack a bowl and light up. You know what? It gave me a genuine case of the giggles. The movie did, I mean. It was some good shit, man!

It has Jim Brewer, Dave Chappelle, Harland Williams and Guillermo Diaz. Harland, a kindergarten teacher, gets sent to prison for accidentally killing a diabetic police horse…

Okay that got me giggling already.

I’m gonna say it again cuz it makes my lips tickle. The kindergarten teacher goes to prison for feeding a bunch of candy to a diabetic police horse.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minut… hehehehehehe! Okay! Okay. Okay, I’m good! I can do this.

Dave and Jim are funny. Jim got a whole lot funnier after he had kids but he’s pretty good here. They decide to bail their friend out by selling wacky-tobacky which Dave steals from the hospital where he works as a janitor. It sells so well, a local drug lord takes notice and he wants a cut of the money.

The drug lord, Samson Simpson, is played by Clarence Williams III of original Mod Squad fame. He takes the role super seriously and comes off as a very scary customer. He’s an impressive actor.

I don’t want to spoil it for you. Hehehe. Spoil it. Lit.

It’s a stupid movie. But it’s a fun stupid movie. Your mom will hate it but your grandma will love it. Or visa versa. They made a sequel in 2024 called Half Baked: Totally high. It looks like hot garbage. I want to see it!

Hmmmmmmmmm. Duuuuuuuude, I could totally go for some pizza bagel bites, spaghetti-O’s, cream cheese jalapeño poppers, and a bag of butterfinger E.L. Fudge cookies right now!

Have you ever seen Scent of a Woman?

Cool! I’m gonna go to sleep now. Pzat!