Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

(1953)

My wife brought this home from the library. Yes, physical media still exists. Yes, libraries still exist. Yes, I’m married.

The first connection my brain made with this title was to a meme of a very masculine trans woman angrily insisting she is to be addressed as “ma’am”.

The second connection I made was with George Sanders on the boxart. I’m always excited to see the man behind the voice of Shere Khan the Tiger from Disney’s Jungle Book (1967). Sadly, he always seems to play a bit of a dirt bag. It’s too bad. He was so debonair. Well, maybe this character would be different.

The whole thing is based on two real life situations where female American ambassadors are sent to small countries with remarkable results.

The country in this story is the fictional Lichtenburg. Coincidentally, George Sanders also plays General Gueko Lanen in The Son of Monte Cristo (1940), a villainous character who also hails from Lichtenburg, although this appears to be purely coincidental and not evidence of some crazy cinematic universe centered around George Sanders. This is not a predecessor to Quantum Leap. Be a lot cooler if it was.

Also coincidentally, Saunders once played Eugène François Vidocq, real-life detective turned criminal (seeing a pattern?) in A Scandal in Paris (1946) written by Georg Christoph LICHTENBURG. While still not evidence of a cinematic universe, I do believe this is evidence of space/time eddies neutralizing within the vicinity of George Sanders through increasingly bizarre and implausible coincidences.

Sadly George Sanders would pass away the same day President Nixon would hold a series of recorded meetings with White House staff thus setting into motion what would become the Watergate scandal. Naturally this begs the question: Was THIS a coincidence or evidence of something more sinister? Also what does it have to do with Call Me Madam?

The answer may surprise you: Not a damn thing. Give me a break though. I had to do something to make this article interesting. It’s about a 1953 musical for crying out loud! No one has seen this movie and no one is reading this article. I’m literally writing it just to pass the time.

Ethel Merman sings so boisterously, her co-star, Donald O’Connor, couldn’t sing next to her without having his eardrums blasted into oblivion. Frankly, I think she sounds better when singing softer but boisterous was her calling card so boisterous is what we get.

Sanders’ character says a line that sums her up perfectly, “You are the most American American I have ever met.” He meant it as a compliment and she takes it as a compliment. I love being represented as loud and irreverent. ^^^Sarcasm^^^^. But hey, this was on the heels of WWII. Loud pushy Americans who get unlikely appointments were all the rage. We had carte blanche to do anything we wanted, even in someone else’s country. Clearly nothing has changed to this day. God help us.

Donald O’Connor is a breath of fresh air. He’s funny and charming but not as brash and irritating as someone like Danny Kaye. Ironically, Donald was slotted to play Kaye’s part in White Christmas (1954) but he became gravely ill. It’s too bad too. O’Connor would probably be a household name if he had been in White Christmas. He was a phenomenal dancer and even danced with Vera-Ellen of White Christmas fame in this movie! The scene where he is dancing drunk in the restaurant is some of the best in the business. It’s the best regular dancing by someone acting drunk.

Ethel’s character (Sally Adam’s) starts off a bit entitled as a wealthy widow with government connections. The first song she sings gives the impression she’s in over her head with the appointment of ambassador. However, upon her arrival to Lichtenburg she presents as surprisingly adroit and adept. This in itself could have been the plot’s main focus. Seeing her pushy self put a few presumptive dignitaries in their place might have been entertaining.

This notion diverts slightly however when Sally falls head over heels in infatuation with Sanders’ character, General Cosmo Constantine, who is genuinely nice and very much reciprocates Sally’s affection with no ulterior motives whatsoever. She then proceeds to steam roll his and everyone else’s well intentioned ambitions, not to mention become suspicious of Cosmo’s integrity. Does she ever apologize or have any recompense for this? Accountability? For literally ruining everything for selfish ambition? Poppycock! She comes out on top of everything!

As does Donald O’Conner’s character; even after he got drunk and smashed up a restaurant in a foreign country. Not a single consequence. Gah! What is this movie? Disney’s The Little Mermaid?

Really good dancing though.

And a couple nice songs.