Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

(2024)

Apparently this was based on a whole series starring Lee Majors back in 1981. It ran for five seasons. By the time this show was shutting down I was only just becoming cognizant of the idea there could be shows on tv besides Winnie the Pooh and the Basketball games my brother was always watching. In fact, I was only just becoming cognizant of anything.

I might have heard mention of The Fall Guy back in the day (Thursday) but I probably assumed it was about a guy who loved Autumn colors. Sounded lame. Little did I know it starred the Six-Million-Dollar Man! I had a towel with him on it!

But going into this, I had no idea it was based on something else. I suppose I should have known as everything is a remake of something else these days. Personally, I believe this is a sign the apocalypse is nigh but that’s okay. I can’t think of a better use of said time than frantically typing poorly worded ramblings about those movies toward strangers on the internet. I mean that sincerely.

So anyway… MOVIE! The Fall Guy was great! It strangely reminded me of the film Down with Love (2003). Not because it was an homage to farcical Doris Day films. It wasn’t. Rather, everything in the film, event or dialogue, was allegorical of the main characters’ relationship status. It wasn’t even subtle about it which I greatly appreciated. This wasn’t a deep art film with symbolisms you’d have to be a film major to catch. The movie’s symbols were worn on its sleeve.

The action was over the top in a fun way. The crew broke a world record for cannon rolls in an automobile (8 or 9). Naturally the stunt team got to shine in this.

The B story was about a woman (Emily Blunt) making a movie. The A story was about the producer of that movie (not Emily Blunt) trying to locate the star of that movie who has gone missing. To accomplish this, the producer hires an old flame of the director’s, the original stun double (Gosling) for that same missing actor. What he uncovers, encounters, and gets tangled up in makes for a great story. And the ending? (author kisses pursed fingers) Mua! Ç’est magnifique! That’s Chinese for “Super rad, yo!”

It’s one surprise after another. This film is a delicious three-layer cake with your favorite frosting! Sorry, the simile that first came to me was comparing the film to a thrill ride but I hate that because EVERY suspenseful film is compared to thrill rides which makes me think film critics would much rather be reviewing thrill rides instead of watching movies but The Fall Guy really IS thrilling and figuratively speaking it IS a fun ride, I just don’t want to say that!

Listen, movies are really expensive to make. If we’re comparing every film to a thrill ride and installing moving bouncing vibrating D-Box seats into the theaters so that seeing a movie very much is LIKE a thrill ride, perhaps we as a society need to reevaluate what it is we want to spend our money on.

Maybe instead of the public transit tax dollars going to build buses and monorails, it should go to enabling me to take The Viper to work.

I suppose you could have a bus or two for those weirdos who hate thrill rides and go see movies like the Downton Abbey Finale in the theater but the rest of us want to get on a mass transit version of The Velocicoaster between completing our daily chores.

How bad could your day really be, even after the laundromat accidently destroyed your favorite sweater vest just before the funeral of a dear friend, if on your way to and fro you got to ride The Cyclone?

Unfortunately, while every single person on this planet without exception wants this kind of world to be a reality, we are a practical and pragmatically minded society. So we accept the closest facsimile for thrill rides most the time, which, for whatever reason, we’ve mutually decided, is movies. Well, in case of The Fall Guy that description is pretty accurate.

Don’t get me wrong. I like thrill rides as much as the next man. Just for the sake of variety though, I’m calling this movie a delicious slice of cake. You can quote me.

Special thanks to Rowan Atkinson.