Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

(1997)

[This is another Non-review from the days of yore (May 1, 2019) I happened to find randomly while perusing the annals of my all-but-defunct Facebook group. I tried to transfer all my writing to this platform but a few articles slipped through the cracks.

This was originally written with a satirical tone that criticized the once unbelievable actions of characters (some of them law enforcement officers) in a 90’s film. Unfortunately, satire can be missed when modern society de-evolves to a point of genuinely epitomizing the hyperbole used by said satire. I apologize for any jokes that may seem insensitive. They were less so back when I wrote this. But I’m also not changing anything.]

Ah, movies from the 90’s! Back to the day when no one questioned the notion of hot-head police officers who would open fire on suspicion alone in a crowded diner. It was all just par the course. Is that what this movie was about? No. This kind of non-stop action was so common place you couldn’t make a story of it. BO-RING!

Nah, this was just the setting. A dystopian past called the 90’s when everyone carried sub-machine guns. Bags of diamonds were just laying around begging to be swiped! Where handcuffing ticket scalpers to international jewel theives was standard policy. That’s the world in which this COMEDY begins. Believe me when I tell you they don’t make movies like this anymore. Starring Chris “My voice can cut glass” Tucker and Charlie “Winning” Sheen, this unlikely pair join forces to clear their names, save their careers, cut their reluctant mafia ties, and win the heart of their special ladies all in one afternoon.

——Now I know what you’re thinking. “Unlikely pair?” You ask. “What makes them so unlikely, Professor? What difference between the two of them could be so great as to cause some sort of rift?” Well, you see, one is a smelly lowlife who cares nothing for the concerns of others and seeks only perpetual pleasure and debauchery and the other is played by Chris Tucker, one of the nicest most selfless guys I’ve ever met. Naturally these two are going to butt heads.

——The name of this movie confused me. I couldn’t decide if it was referring to people speaking about money or if it was implying that money could speak. I suppose the plot was based around money and having the word money in a movie title was an attention grabbing buzz word but I think if this film were to be titled more accurately they should have called it “Extras dressed as policemen discharge their firearms wildly in close quarters all the time.”

——Finally, in conclusion, to settle the question I know you all have: The answer is yes, someone fires off a bazooka several times throughout the course of this film. I told you already, it’s a 90’s film. Yes, there’s helicopters too. 90’s!