Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

(2019)

[Originally published May 31,2019. Edited here for grammar and clarity and added content. Okay, I pretty much rewrote the whole thing but my kids remain fairly tiny still because we saw this in the theater years ago and the jokes depend on that context.]

I still find it strange to see non-cartoon adults talking about Pokémon as if they are real but I liked this movie. I took 4 out of 5 of my own children to it. I don’t see why I should have to pay for four kids’ tickets and one adult ticket if they’re all going to sit on my knees and shoulders.

Anyway, even though I couldn’t see the movie through my kids’ heads, I could tell it was entertaining by the frantic springing motion of the multitude of ponytails before me.

Ryan Reynolds was funny as the voice of Pikachu or rather what I could hear of it through the constant giggling. Kathryn Newton was disappointing when sharing the screen with Justice Smith but I’ll forgive her. She just had this look on her face like “this guy is so silly. I’m on screen with a silly person and he’s being silly.” Meanwhile Justice is acting his little heart out taking this ridiculous (but enjoyable) script seriously.

The plot, even though complicated and bizarre, was still presented in an understandable well-thought out way.

Bill Nighy was amazing as usual.

Seeing this world where everyone has a constant cartoony companion made me want one of my own. My kids are plenty cartoony but I can’t store them each in a pokéball so they don’t count.

To figure out which Pokémon would best suit my personality I took three different internet quizzes… just to make sure.

Here are my results:

I’m not sure what the criteria was that lead to these seemingly very different results. I’ve never heard of Riolu. I know nothing about him. He seems cool though, like a blue bipedal standard poodle/raccoon. I can imagine running around with one of those.

Jinx’s design seems borderline offensive. I’m sure she’s cool and all but I don’t know if it would be the best idea to have one of those following me around, perpetually repeating its personal pronoun. Honestly, it reminds me of ET: The Extra Terrestrial when he put that wig and hat on.

My ex would have had something to say about a poorly-dressed 4’7” blonde following me everywhere I go. My current wife is not the jealous type but I imagine she’d still be weirded out by Jynx.

I think Psyduck is the way to go! Honestly, I can relate to this little guy a lot. I’m kind of derpy sometimes and I get headaches which result in a huge release of psychic energy and/or explosion. We’d be like two peas in a pod, he and I. Plus I live in Oregon and having a duck as your constant companion gets you into the college football games for free. It’s a win/win. Plus I like Psi, Korean singer! Everything works out!