Category: Lists
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TEN EXCITING WAYS TO LOSE THAT THANKSGIVING FLAB
By Professor Popinjay 10 :Intestinal parasites! 09: Surround yourself with harpies! 08: Holographic meatloaf! 07: Play Candy Crush for a month! Hire a spotter to make sure you hydrate every couple of days. 06: Compete on Survivor. 05: Inject crisco directly into your veins. (Note: WILL result in immediate death.)…
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TEN GOOD AND BAD CHRISTMAS GIFTS:
By Popinjay, Inspired by Brian Pavey 10: GOOD GIFT:: A mug that reads “#1 Dad.” BAD GIFT: A mug that reads “World’s Worst Great Great Grandma.” 09: GOOD: Lincoln Logs. BAD: Lincoln Cacti. 08: GOOD: An Erector Set. BAD: An Erectile Dysfunction set. 07: GOOD: A nerf gun and foam…
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10 Annoying Things Wives and/or Third-World Despots Do That Drive Husbands Crazy
By Prof. Popinjay First published May 27, 2019 10: Establish an oppressive regime and rule with an iron fist. 9: Leave long hairs in the shower drain. 8: Torture you for information. 7: Hang wet clothes everywhere in the house. 6: Suck fatty cigars and purposefully blow smoke in your…
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2020 Hindsight: The Obvious Good We May Have Missed
By Prof. Popinjay First published Dec 27, 2020 You might not have realized it but this year has been kind of a drag. Surely we can derive some positive aspects out of it but forgive me if I’m grasping at straws. Perhaps forcing an optimistic spin on things will reveal…
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TEN THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR TURKEY BESIDES EATING IT
By Professor Popinjay 10: Fill it with candy and use it as a piñata, a sick, twisted, meat piñata. 09: Use a cannon to fire it off randomly over a neighborhood and pray it crashes through the window of a less fortunate family so they too may have a nice…
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TEN MORE NEW THANKSGIVING TRADITIONS:
Remember these are only suggestions. You are in no way required to do any of these unless you ever want to see your pets again. Just kidding. Your pets are just fine and have not been replaced by bio-mechanic surveillance monsters. Just forget I said anything. Yay thanksgiving! To the…
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10 New Fun Thanksgiving Traditions:
It’s time again to give thanks for our bounty. “Bounty? What bounty?” you ask as you sit in your Lazy-Boy watching your 240 inch screen TV. Well whether there’s a bounty on your head or not, I’m sure you have SOMETHING to be thankful for. I’m sure you also have…
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10 Fun Things to do in Mordor:
10: When the Eye isn’t looking, paint the Black Gate chartreuse. 9: Smack Shelob with a fly swatter then run away. 8: Watch the Mouth of Sauron eat a bag of Oreos. 7: Replace the Witch King of Angmar’s mace with a vibrating feather duster. 6: Put isopropyl alcohol into…
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THIS WEEK’S CONVERSATION STARTERS
First published Aug 8, 2019 10: Crabs see us as having our shells on the inside. 9: There should be cars with ceramic tile interior and a drain in the floor. 8: The only thing more terrifying than a roaming rabid wolverine would be a roaming rabid wolverine completely concealed…
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POPINJAY’S TEN HIGHLY INFECTIOUS PICKUP LINES FOR 2020
First published March 21, 2020 10: Hey baby, that inflated hazmat suit really accentuates your bulbousness! 09: Oo, girl, down for some hot Skyping? 08: Hey there handsome, want to come over and sterilize each other? 07: Hi sexy! If you poop at my place I’ll hose you down afterward!…
Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity 