Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

This did not suck nearly as much as I was expecting. They did not “nuke the fridge” in this film as the saying goes. They did not “swing with the monkeys” in this film as the saying goes. They did not “rely on cgi gophers for recurring comic relief” as the saying goes.

I’ve heard some complaints about youngifying Harrison Ford for the opening sequence and some said his voice was too gravely to match his youthful face but who cares? I feel like that’s nitpicking. So long as he doesn’t look like Jeff Bridges’ youngified self in Tron Legacy, I’m happy.

Is it Mads Mikkelson’s goal to play every bad guy ever? He was a Bond villain. He was Kaecilius in Doctor Strange. He was Hannibal Lechter. Even in Rogue One he might have been a good guy but he still designed the Death Star! Holy crap! He is a fascinating actor though. I do enjoy seeing him in things.

!!!POSSIBLE SPOILER FOR CLEVER PEOPLE!!!

I really REALLY appreciated what they did with Mutt. If you don’t recall, Mutt was Indy’s greaser son from the Crystal Skull film. Not a well liked character despite being played by Hollywood superstar/cannibal Shia Lebouf. I think this was particularly because of the rumor that he was being set up to take over the Indiana Jones mantle. Not sure if that was true or not and I’m too busy to research it at the moment. But they gave Mutt an epilogue in Dial of Destiny and it really humanized Jones. I believe humanizing Indiana Jones has been the whole point of these stories from day one. This installment brings Jones’ humanization to a beautiful crescendo and I love it for that. Thank you.

!!!SPOILER PARAGRAPH END!!!

Were there some tongue-in-cheek moments? Probably, but I was having such a good time I wasn’t concerned. I never really rolled my eyes at anything. The wunderkind knowing how to fly a plane was a bit of a stretch but hey, it’s not the first time a wunderkind has shown up in a George Lucas-spawned property and saved the day with their airplane/spaceship flying abilities, am I right? Am I right, Anakin? Hello? He’s not answering my calls anymore.

Yeah, loose ends were wrapped nicely and I came away feeling good. Will there be more Indiana Jones films? The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles were tolerable I think. Maybe we could do more of those. Should Alden Ehrenreich also play a younger Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones or does he not want to be typecast as the only person who can play young Harrison Ford roles? Maybe we need a prequel to Air Force One or Cowboys and Aliens. Who but Alden could play the perfect young Sgt. Joe Galivan in the prequel to Hollywood Homicide!?! I think I speak for everyone when I demand a prequel to Sabrina!