Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

MILD SPOILERS

I want to start by saying I don’t think this was a bad movie. The reason I want to start with this is because I initially thought this was a bad movie. I also knew this wasn’t a fair assessment however because for a long time I hadn’t been able to see it in it’s entirety. Despite trying multiple times (and I mean MULTIPLE…like four or five tries) I could not make it past the first act. It bored me to tears or would just literally put me to sleep. And yet I kept giving it a go because… well, because I knew it was a kaiju film and I found the idea of a “found footage” kaiju film interesting. The first scene was just so boring and long.

Once the monster shows up, it finally gets interesting though. The experimental concept of everything being filmed by a camcorder or phone was a unique take… for a kaiju film anyway. I did find myself not really believing the guy’s reasoning for keeping the camera rolling while navigating perilous situations. I felt like “Dude, what you’re going through would be a lot easier if you’d use two hands.” It was like watching my kid clean his room but he must hold on to his handheld videogame the entire time. If you put the stupid game down for three seconds you might actually be able to fold that bed sheet instead of getting frustrated and verbally damning all bed sheets and cursing the name of the inventor of bed sheets, Rashid Sab-Anah, who would invent non-self-folding bedsheets with no consideration for his perpetual-videogame-playing needs.

But this guy, whoever he was because you rarely see his face, he literally single-handedly scaled buildings, jumped chasms, and back-handed aliens all while pointing the camera at what he was doing. Impressive.

Oh yeah, the kaiju is part of an alien invasion. It happens from time to time. King Ghidorah from Godzilla films was an alien sometimes. Deal with it.

Sights of the monster are frustratingly fleeting as you’d expect from a camera man who is in the process of fleeing for his life. I know directors are always trying to build suspense but it would be nice to get a good long look at the creature eventually. We kind of see an up close shot at one point but I emphasize the “kind of” part so was it a good look or not!?! I guess I’m leaning toward not. I’ll say, it’s a far cry from those wide shots of Godzilla and his foe where there is nothing beyond the hills on the horizon and Godzilla is doing karate moves. Those shots always made Godzilla look 4.5 feet tall. So I guess there’s a balance to be had. In the 1998 American Godzilla we see Godzilla all the time. That didn’t dilute any of the suspense for me. I blindly loved that film when I was 16 and I obstinately love it now, terrible as the acting was.

Limitations foster creativity and I think Cloverfield was creative because of the self-imposed limitation of the camcorder but it’s not for all the time. I’m ready to see a regular movie where I can actually see what’s going on.

Oh, and were you curious as to why this film was called Cloverfield? Get used to disappointment.

Here. You can see the monster here a lot easier than in the movie. You’re welcome.