Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A  Non-review by Professor Popinjay

Tom Cruise is weird. I don’t want to get into his personal life but professionally… he’s also weird. Could you imagine managing a Burger King and hiring a guy who’s already very rich yet still demands another life-time supply of money and then comes in and takes over your entire operation, changes the name of the Whopper to the Tomburger, retrains your whole crew and then fires them, and fills every position with himself because no one can do it better than he can? I mean, just replace “Burger King” with “US Navy” and that’s basically the plot of Top Gun: Maverick.

I imagine this is what working with Tom Cruise is like. No one has come out and said it but I think he’s to blame for Universal’s Dark Universe not coming to fruition. Yeah, there were other factors but the moment they cast Tom Cruise in The Mummy, it became all about him and there was no way Universal would be able to continue on with any of their Dark Universe plans because 1) Tom’s too expensive, 2) he would never allow anyone to make a film where he wasn’t the primary focus from first to last page of the script. But this is purely my conjecture.

I almost wonder if he personally thought the Dark Universe thing was a bad idea and saw fit to kill it in his own novel way: by inserting himself into it.

This is not to say he destroys everything he touches. On the contrary, I feel like Cruise has realized he holds the power of life and death of a film in his hands and so when he believes in a project, he works his ass off to make it a success. Contrary-wise, when he doesn’t believe in a project, he works his ass off to make sure it’s a spectacular failure.

I’ve loved every Tom Cruise film I’ve ever seen. If the story doesn’t interest me, just seeing Tom Cruise put in 2000% effort for good or ill is entertaining enough. It’s almost all the same reasons why I love Nicolas Cage but Nicolas Cage doesn’t seem to care if the film is good or bad so long as he gets to be Nicolas Cage in it.

Oblivion was great. Was it made great by Tom Cruise because he believed in it? I’m inclined to think so.  But I’ve no idea what it would have been otherwise.

Every revelation was fascinating in this film. And to what end did it culminate? The most apt use of profanity ever to be utilized in a film.

I don’t advocate the use of profanity. I dissuade my children from its casual use and I attempt to be an example. Of course when we are angry, scared, or upset, the use of certain obscenities unfortunately begins to play an almost involuntary role in expressing ourselves. So long as no one is maliciously cursing anyone, I usually let it slide. I want my kids to know it’s okay to be angry, scared or upset but never to hurt anyone or themselves in the process.

Sometimes the degree of our frustrations are very easily articulated by use of a word we don’t normally use in mixed company or polite society. Yes it would be nice if we could maintain the wherewithal to effectively articulate our feelings in a non-profane manner when we suddenly find ourselves hanging from our last nerve but most of us don’t have that option. Perhaps that’s why it’s wiser to be slow to anger.

In this final scene, Mr. Cruise could have given a long winded speech about why he was there, why he was justified, how he felt about what he had to do… or he might have said nothing at all. The first option would have been tedious and preachy like this article… or most Steven Seagal films. The second option would have been uninteresting like my Non-review for The Legend of Drunken Master.

The third option efficiently summed up how he and the audience felt at that moment with a very appropriate and aptly placed, “F**k you!”

I beg your pardon. Mind you this was not a script peppered with obscenity. In most cases liberal application of obscenity is an indication of bad writing in my opinion. As a member of the audience, I’m sure everyone in the theater was thinking something akin to this profanity, Tom Cruise is just the one who said it. The word’s use was well deserved and it made the movie for me.