Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

(2006)

I guess Bryan Singer got the go-ahead to remake Superman (1978)  but call it a sequel and use someone to play Superman who looks and acts like Christopher Reeves. Also Superman is a deadbeat dad now? Of course Singer had to take James Marsden (Cyclops) with him for the pivotal role of not-Superman. Off Singer went to direct Superman Returns which is why X-Men: The Last Stand is a very different film from the first two installments and Cyclops is hardly in this one.

He’s like “X-Men!?! Screw X-Men! Humorless convoluted Superman scripts is where it’s at! Get in the truck, Marsden! Here boy! Here’s a treat!” 

That solves THAT love triangle. Now we can focus on Wolverine some more. Yay?

I heard a story about Hugh Jackman. Sometime after these films he was playing a part on Broadway. This character happened to be gay and on stage he kisses a dude. Well apparently a young Wolverine fan was in the audience and was rather disillusioned by this difference in character or perhaps not disillusioned enough because when it came to the kiss, this little fella yelled out “WOLVERINE! NOOOOOOOO!!!”

What was meant to be a romantic moment became rather humorous to the rest of the audience.

I appreciated how colorful this film was. You had Jean Grey in red and Ice Man was blue and mystique was blue and Beast was blue and yeah there’s a lot of blue but some of the characters finally  got away from the black leather. Seems like everytime they “UpDaTe” some old IP it means “Put ‘em in black leather!” Cyclops put it best in the first film.

“What would you prefer, yellow spandex?”

Yeah, actually! Wolverine looks great in Deadpool and Wolverine. Maybe that’s just because everyone is tired of everyone being in black leather.

So, Beast. Clearly a fan favorite but he doesn’t show up until this film? I wonder why but I guess they had to pare it down somewhere. Can’t have a cast of 200 X-Men all wanting screen time. Oh yeah! We get Colossus! He turns out to be kind of a tool in the Deadpool films but he’s pretty cool in this!

Did they switch actresses playing Jean Grey? No, they didn’t. Why do I think that? That’s Famke Janssen. She played Squeezy McThighkiller in Goldeneye!

Rr.. You…uh… ‘member when… y’member when Magneeto…did that thing… with the Golden Gate Bridge? Hhwoah! That was awesome!

Sorry, I’m not good at this. I never know what to write. SO STUPID! GAHHH!

I know some complained but I liked this motion picture show just fine. The love triangle between Rogue and Bobby and Kitty was kind of pedestrian and did they even wrap that situation up? I cared so little about it I don’t even remember if they did or not. They probably didn’t wrap it up and no one noticed!

They’ll just figure it out in the sequel. Oh, this is the last one? They soooooo set up a sequel in this film but nope. Shut it down. 

John Powell’s score for Last Stand was phenomenal! Even the track titled “Bathroom Titles” was amazing. Why was it called that? Was it because Warren Kenneth Worthington III was in the bathroom? Or was it because I was in the bathroom during the opening credits? I’m sure it’s the latter.

There comes a segment during the scene when the X-Men are standing as a barricade in front of the Alcatraz facility when the music slows to a staccato beat, a slow march. It holds onto this rhythm for a very powerful moment, with the string section carrying it along, creating an excellent opportunity for the swell of the epic theme. It is awe inspiring and surprisingly emotional for this half toungue-in-cheek superhero movie. This theme grows in intensity as situations escalate toward the climax of the story. Simply fantastic. If John Powell can blow my socks off with his score for a film like Rat Race, I’m not at all surprised he can do it again for a film that has a little more substance. If you’re into epic music scores, check out John Powell’s repertoire, especially for this movie and Rat Race for the comparison. It’s bewilderingly good.