Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

(2012)

The Bollywood adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice “Bride & Prejudice” with a ‘B’, which I just recently non-reviewed, is a tolerable hour and fifty-one minutes.

The very meta and self-aware 2013 film Austenland, which I have not seen but I feel a forced viewing is imminent, is a doable hour and thirty-seven minutes. I’m sure I can handle being tied to a chair with my eyelids propped open for at least that long, provided someone feeds me beef jerky for the duration.

The runtime for the 2005 Pride & Prejudice starring Keira Knightly was a fairly reasonable 2 hours and 8 minutes. I saw it in the theater. The girlfriend subjecting me to it at the time seemed mildly offended at my periodic falling asleep. The old ladies in the theater would awaken me with their euphoric gasps every time a character said something romantic.

The 1995 BBC P&P miniseries with Collin “I Can’t Get These Regent Era Clothes Off” Firth, runs for an abominable 5 hours 27 minutes. I absorbed this production into my gray matter on more than one occasion. It was never my idea to watch it but watch it I did both times. Most Austen fans concur this is the best rendition, I assume, because it takes almost as long to watch this as it does to read the book.

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries is a modernized telling of Pride & Prejudice, presented in the form of a video web log, or “vlog” as the cool kids on the street corner say (big Jane Austen fans, them kids). Each installment is about three to four minutes long. But don’t let that fool you. Total run time for The Lizzie Bennet Diaries is an inhumane 9 and half hours if you include all the side episodes. I watched at least 110 of the 150 episodes.

But you know, each episode was so short it was kind of like gradually developing an immunity to it. It came and went so pleasantly I hardly noticed any toxidromes at all!

Actually, it was quite good. The vlog format lends itself well to the narrative which comes almost entirely from one character. Lizzie Bennet (Ashley Clements) either explains much of the transpirations of the story or acts it out with a variety of hats. That sounds strange but it works. Lizzie’s sisters and friends also make frequent appearances to flesh things out. At times even the locations of the vlogs change depending on where the Bennet family is staying as a group and other such occurrences. It’s engaging because it’s personal. All the events are unfolding through Lizzie’s narrative directly to you as if she is just a YouTuber talking about her day. Imagine Markiplier having a tumultuous relationship with Mr. Darcy.

And the drama hits hard because of that seemingly personal involvement. These are not some highfalutin toffee-nosed gits in fancy clothes standing around saying “I say…” and “Well, I never”. The modernization paired with the accessible language and superb acting from all parties makes the feels of this story much more real.

With the modernization of the language also comes an upping of the stakes. The climax of this version is made far more relatable to a modern audience. While the original story deals with people’s honor and the prospect of scandal in a world concerned with issues of propriety, LBD (Lizzie Bennet Diaries) still manages to achieve this sense of scandal and urgency. It’s very well done and would have worked great in a feature film. Regardless, the vlog format does not dilute the potency.

I would have never watched any Pride and Prejudice rendition of my own volition with perhaps the exception of Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. I act reluctant for the comedy of it but it’s felt pretty good to impress the ladies with my vast knowledge of these stories they revere so much. Call me Mr. Sensitivity. I have to confess: I’ve thoroughly enjoyed pretty much every version I’ve seen and I’ve rolled my eyes and sighed in exasperation at plenty hackneyed Hallmark claptrap excuses for romance stories. The Lizzie Bennet Diaries is the real deal.