A Non-review by Professor Popinjay
(2026)
NO SPOILERS! HOORAY!
Trying something new today. This is going to be a video game Non-review. I want to be perfectly clear though: I didn’t play this game. I watched a 9 hour playthrough of it from start to finish on YouTube. Shout out to MKIceAndFire for the great video. Very nice of them to cut out any menu fiddling.
So I’m not assessing gameplay or controller function or anything that might involve player interaction because I was merely an observer. Basically I’m focused on storytelling, voice acting, music, and graphics… as if it were a movie.
[Before I get into it though, as this is my first video game non-review, I feel some preamble is necessary (I’ve labeled sections so you may pick and choose depending on your level of interest. If you just want to skip straight to the bulk of the Non-review you may go to Part 2 which I’ve posted concordantly with this Part 1.]
A note to any arrogant meatheads out there who can watch two teams of athletes play a 4 hour football game but will balk at anyone who’d be interested in watching someone play through a videogame however long:
You might not be interested in doing such a thing and that’s fine for you. I barely understand the rules of football and I have zero interest in watching a football game. I understand golf very well, and I enjoy watching people play golf. Incidentally, I’ve never actually played golf myself. I play video game golf. I “get” watching sports. Watching a skilled player traverse through a video game is no different. It depends entirely on your personal interest.
I happen to be fascinated by the function of video game mechanics, the history and evolution of video games, the art and music of video games, and video games as a very unique medium for storytelling. If you’re not interested for whatever reason, that’s your prerogative and I shan’t condemn you for your personal preferences.
Gamers solved the structure of a retrovirus enzyme in just three weeks which had scientists baffled for over a decade. By manipulating virtual protein structures in a game called Foldit, players outperformed existing computer algorithms, advancing crucial drug research. Up yours, AI!
Watching someone react, emote and commentate while playing a video game can be very entertaining to some. This YouTube video has over 4.8 million views and it was uploaded only a month before publishing this article. Clearly, there’s a few people who find this interesting.
Different Types of Videos:
There are a few different types of gamer videos one can find on Youtube. The terms have become somewhat interchangeable simply because so many videos have been mislabeled and some definitions crossover from one YouTuber to another, but I define them thusly:
Let’s Play: A Let’s Play video focuses on commentary of the player who is often experiencing the game for the first time. While some commentaries are very serious about what they are playing, others present a comedic commentary which many find entertaining. Sometimes there is editing involved to cut out any long stints of bafflement where the player is clueless how to proceed but for the most part this is a fairly raw and often funny experience.
Playthrough: This variety of video is often devoid of commentary, features limited editing that might remove excessive time spent fiddling through menus and other such mundanity. This would appeal to someone who might like to see the game through with few mistakes and even fewer comments.
Long Play: A Long Play may or may not feature commentary but definitely features no editing. Every mistake, trial and error, loss, and game over screen is recorded and presented. These videos will be long indeed, hence the name. While a Playthrough will appear as a mostly perfect run, a long play will show character death animations, results of mistakes, restarts, literally everything the player does for better or worse.
Walkthrough: A walkthrough is a meticulous educational video often with commentary or, at the very least, purposeful resting on screens and items, even overlaid text, so the viewer can easily follow along to learn what to do in a game.
Speedruns: Speedruns are attempts to blast through an entire game as fast as possible, oftentimes even exploiting glitches to do so. This is a whole ‘nother bag of worms with its own sub-categories which I shan’t get into here. Perhaps I will expound on these in a future article.
A Brief History of Resident Evil Gameplay:
In 1996 the survival horror genre was fledgling but Resident Evil came out and defined it once and for all. Limited ammo and health, bullet-sponge enemies, creepy atmosphere and story, and a myriad of puzzles and riddles to figure out. Static backgrounds with polygonal fully 3-d rendered characters meant the developers controlled the camera angles which added to the unnerving cinematic aspect of the game.
It also meant “tank” controls; basically “up” on the controller was always forward in relation to whichever direction the character was facing. It was tough to get used to. Thankfully there was a single button push to do an immediate about face because turning was slowwwwwww. This was the way for three games and an un-numbered installment called Code: Veronica.
Resident Evil 4 abandoned tank controls and complicated puzzle solving for a unique over-the-shoulder view that bordered on first-person. While there were a few puzzles, RE4 focused on action. I liked the game fine but I missed the puzzles and the straightforward zombies. Instead we got the Ganados, mind-controlled villagers proficient with axes, pitchforks and the occasional chainsaw.
Five and Six were more of the same but the storyline was out of control. We’re talking soap-opera-esque plots, 320,000 lbs boulder punching, and a zombie Tyrannosaurus Rex, why not? These looked too silly and I didn’t play them.
I watched a playthrough of Resident Evil 7 and it pretty much completely desensitized me to most horror. Now instead of zombies or the Ganado, your character finds himself stuck in a house with a group of psychopaths who each in turn become a horrible monster.
Supposedly the plot was still related to things that happened in the original game, but don’t ask me how. This was such a departure from what originally started as a puzzle solving game whilst surrounded by zombies. I kind of hated it. Also, didn’t play it. I was too busy conceiving and rearing children around this time.
Resident Evil 8, also known as Resident Evil Villiage, was a bit of a fever dream that involved things not unlike vampires, things not unlike werewolves, a thing exactly like a possessed doll, and other weirdness. Keep in mind, the zombie pandemic around which these games originated has always had a science-fiction explanation. Never has it veered into the realm of the paranormal. That being said, I have no idea how they explain the possessed doll.
This seemed like a fun game, but it was very different from zombies and puzzles. Fun to watch Arin Hanson and Dan Avidan play through it. Probably will never play it myself.
Did you find this interesting? Me neither but I wrote it anyway! Look for Part 2 of the Resident Evil Re9uiem Non-review where I ACTUALLY get around to writing about the game this article is supposed to be about! Wonder of wonders!
Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity 
Leave a comment