Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

(2026)

I’m kind of glad this wasn’t an event populated solely by screaming middle-schoolers like the Five Nights at Freddy’s sequel was. Mario is for people who scream at theaters as well as people who don’t scream at theaters!

It was a variety attending the theater on the day I saw Super Mario Galaxy with most of my family, sans one kid who defines fun as being in an abandoned warehouse with a band consisting of members who don’t grasp the actual purpose of safety pins. Personally, that sounds fun to me too but majority rules so the Mario movie it was.

I’m beginning to detect a kind of film. It pleases the masses with unexpected cameos, catchy catch phrases, and charismatic personalities in iconic roles. Critics seem to hate such films because the crowd pleasing elements are present in lieu of plot, character development, and sensible dialogue.

Good storytelling is nice and all but I say there’s a time for everything. The kids had a good time. I had a good time. My wife had a nice nap. It’s a win for all parties involved.

Yes, the plot was all over the place, most of what was happening didn’t make a ton of sense, characters were switching from good to bad and back again and weren’t much more than catalysts for improvisations from the actors who played them. And I liked it just fine.

I love that they (gnomes) make Princess Peach more than just kidnap/rescue fodder. I just wish it wouldn’t come at the expense of diminishing and/or making the character the movie is named for into the butt of all jokes. Comedy is great, empowerment is great, but Mario is cool too. He’s why we’re here after all. I feel like in the previous film Mario and Peach were more equal. If they want to make Peach more complex and put the focus on her then give her her own movie. I’d see it. I played the Super Princess Peach game. It was great.

Heck, I’d see a movie just about Captain Toad or Ninji, the world’s shortest fattest ninja! Hmmm, perhaps I’m not this film’s target demographic.

I will say I know it makes sense for Nintendo to rapidly move toward focusing these film’s on their newer games and not dwell on nostalgia. There definitely were some nostalgic call backs. Frankly I’m surprised we’ve not yet seen certain characters over others though. The hype this movie is generating is not necessarily for nostalgia seekers, it’s for the new generation of gamers. It’s selling future Nintendo products.

From a marketing standpoint, that makes sense. In this world of hour-and-forty-five-minute toy commercials, I get it. And as we saw with what the Jurassic World franchise turned into, too much nostalgia can also get in the way of what could have been a good movie.

This is nitpicking though. If you want nostalgia, Captain Lou Albano and Danny Wells are waiting for you on The Super Mario Super Show (1989) and, in my opinion, nothing new and shiny is going to top those guys. They DEFINED these characters.

POSTER ART!