Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay

(2000)

I did some research on the accuracy of events portrayed in the movie “Thirteen Days” and found that Kevin Costner was not actually a pivotal influence during the Cuban missile crisis. He was only 7 years old at the time.

Incidentally, the character Costner was playing, Kenneth O’Donnel, was also not pivotal in real-life aside from keeping track of John F. Kennedy’s appointments. The real credit went to a mister Ted Sorensen. Isn’t that just the most interesting thing you’ve ever read? I think I’m going to die of overstimulation right here on this toilet. Wonder of wonders! Ted Sorensen. I just can’t believe it.

Ted Sorensen was portrayed in the movie by Tim Kelleher who is best known as the voice of Raphael in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993). Now THAT’S interesting!

Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara was played by Dylan Baker who was slotted to become the Lizard in the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man series.

I know I’m supposed to be reverent. This movie was very well done and definitely achieved its purpose despite the inaccuracies. I really was on the edge of my seat, especially when that pilot was questioned as to whether he had been shot at during a recon run. Oh my gosh! My heart was in my throat! Were I in that situation, I would have been confused as to whom I should lie. And when Adlai Stevenson was negotiating with the Russians at the UN, holy crap that was intense! Loved every minute of it.

I have to say, I do love political thrillers as much as I hate politics! Tom Clancy! Robert Ludlum! Great stuff! I just think a version where the Secretary of Defense turns into a giant lizard man and the Kennedys and Ted Sorensen don bandanas of varying colors and pull out ninja weapons would be amazing! They basically did that in Captain America: Brave New World. It could work here too!

I have to admit, I had trouble getting around to writing this Non-review; partly because I’ve been crazy busy/exhausted, and partly because the thought of writing about Thirteen Days bores me to tears. I know, not the best endorsement for my own writing.

It’s just that this movie was really good and well done and I have little to say about it beyond that. It’s an amazing and terrifying point in history and how close we came to nuclear war on our own turf should be acknowledged. The points in this film with which I can personally connect, I’m applying to modern day situations and I am just too tired to get into that here. As for my humanitarian views (which I regard as completely separate from politics), I can’t consider modern situations for too long without my blood beginning to boil, so I shan’t get into that here in any candid or direct way.

But saving the world from death and hatred and Nuclear war? I can definitely write about that. I really appreciated JFK’s statement when all fears had finally been averted.

“It is as much a victory for them as it is for us.”

This sentiment was elaborated in a real speech by JFK which we hear at the end of the film:

“”What kind of peace do we seek? Not a Pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living. The kind that enables men and nations to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children—not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women—not merely peace in our time, but peace in all time.”

That right there is the “politics” I stand for and gladly apply to current events; and no amount of fatigue, occupational obligation, or giant lizard men will hinder that belief, so far as I can help it.

Cowabunga, dudes!