Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

There are many cinematic incarnations of this classic Jules Verne story dating as far back as 1929 and even earlier depending on what you consider to be a movie. Most of these interpretations involved giant animals or even dinosaurs. Yet only a sparse and rudimentary knowledge of dinosaurs had been gaining in popular culture over the course of about 50 years when Verne first published Mysterious Island in 1875.

Oddly enough, the original story does not feature dinosaurs or even oversized animals. Despite major differences from the original story, film adaptations featuring giant fantastic beasts have captured many an imagination. If you squint, one could argue that Jurassic Park is almost point for point a modern retelling of certain versions of this story… but only very loosely.

It’s also public domain so literally anyone can adapt it to film for a quick buck and make any changes to it they see fit. Add some dinosaurs? Great. Giant tarantulas? Awesome! Make Captain Nemo into a bomb-building lunatic? Sure! Why not!?! We can do whatever we want! What’s Old Man Jules gonna do about it? Crawl out of his gilded tomb and OH SHIT HE HAS A TIME MACHINE! RUUUUUNNNNN!!!

I don’t know what percentage of my 25 cents Hallmark will see, especially when they have to divide that amongst the other five “movies” in the six fantasy movie dvd set I found at the Elks Lodge garage sale. Whatever amount it is, I’m sure they’ll be happy to get it.

I wonder how much of my quarter Patrick Stewart will get? He played Captain Nemo in this film. I knew Mysterious Island was a Jules Verne story. What I did NOT know was that Mysterious Island was a sequel to 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea!

Fun fact: Nemo also has a cameo in the stageplay Journey Through the Impossible written by Verne in 1882, a kind of mishmash of Verne properties. He does NOT however appear in Search for the Castaways (1867) despite some publishers binding said story with 20kLUtS and MI (not Mission: Impossible) into a “Captain Nemo” trilogy. That is what we here back in the old west call “pullin’ a fast one.”

Hallmark’s 2005 rendition of Mysterious Island is vastly different from the book. While giant monstrous animals are often a staple of many film renditions, this one features Nemo almost more as a villain. Quite the opposite from Verne’s book. Granted, Nemo is, for the most part, a gracious host to the Civil War era castaways. However, weary of the world and its warmongering ways, Nemo, in this version, is also building a city-leveling bomb to threaten the world into being nice to each other. Personally, I thought this a terrible plan and so did the protagonists. Then there’s some pirates and some giant spiders and a daring rescue and some treasure. It was all very exciting and Hallmarky.

Kyle MacLauchlin plays the protagonist Cyrus. That dude is all over the place on TV. I think he’s a good actor if you need someone who is utterly uninteresting. He served that purpose well in The House with the Clock in its Walls (2018). He was likable in Mysterious Island, an admirably noble character. He just needs a gimmick or something; something besides his helmet of hair.

Vinnie Jones plays Captain Bob Harvey who is basically a cartoon in this To-Be-Taken-Seriously film. I don’t know who’s fault it is, actor or director, but someone was not cued in as to what kind of film this was meant to be when Vinnie was told he was comic relief. The serious film can have jokes, even funny characters. Vinnie Jones as captain Bob was an out of place goofball. Entertaining to be sure, but perhaps not for the intended reasons.

I was under the impression Captain Nemo was from India. I suppose that’s why they (gnomes) put a turban on Patrick Stewart sometimes in this. That is how a person, no matter their country of origin, becomes Indian after all. <—-Sarcasm.

Incidentally, there are some African American actors in this who don’t immediately die in the first 15 minutes. As this is set during the American civil war era, there are some negative racial-based sentiments expressed from certain less sympathetic characters. I appreciated that most characters with such a mindset, evolved into someone more appreciative of other races by the end of the film or otherwise met with a horrible fate. Their fate wasn’t necessarily DUE to their narrow-minded bigotrous opinions, but the universe reforms back into its perfect shape one way or another. I shan’t judge.

I’m not sure if the film was good or if it was just better than the other films in this collection of mostly lower than B-grade films.

Either way, it was an enjoyable 5 hours or however long it was. Just don’t watch this and then tell people you read the book. You’ll be the laughing stock of your book club.