A Non-review by Professor Popinjay
(2004)
The
Just “The”
That’s all I had written for a week straight, while I stared at my screen wondering which direction to go from “The”.
It’s not that the film was particularly mind bending. It was a serviceable script with a funny premise. Two black detectives pose as specific white women to keep the actual women safe while uncovering details behind a kidnapping plot. The whole thing just affected me though, and I couldn’t figure out where to start.
It was very funny. Some of it was cringy and a little uncomfortable. Some of it was triggering for me.
My wife had been promoting this film to me for quite a while and I’m glad I finally saw it. I had honestly been avoiding it since its release. It just never felt like my cup of tea. I can’t stand the high-maintenance entitled brainless blonde stereotypes who actually do exist (though a particular hair color isn’t mandatory), and even though I knew the film would be making fun of that type, that type irks me so much I had a hard time seeing the funny… at least from what the trailers presented.
Now if my wife had mentioned Terry Crews was in it, I might have dropped everything, cleared my schedule, and watched this on my phone while standing right there in the middle of the grocery store. Terry Crews is so dang funny! Ever since I saw Soul Plane (2004) and Brooklyn 99 (2013), I’ve been a huge Terry fan. He just plays the giant sentimental so well. I can see it coming every time and I sit in anticipation for it.
In White Chicks, though not a main character, Crews plays a man very interested in one of the “chicks”, never realizing the “chick” is a dude. I loved the scene at the restaurant where the dude (done up to look like a girl) is purposefully being as slovenly, boisterous, and uncouth as possible, trying his hardest to UN-attract Terry and NOTHING is working. It all just excites him more. That was some funny stuff.
The rough part for me was just how jealous the dude’s actual girlfriend was. I would not waste my time with that bs. I wasted more than enough of my time on that bs. Granted, she had plenty of reason to come to the conclusion that he was cheating on her by the end, so her actions were eventually merited. I still hate seeing a guy go through that kind of treatment when he’s perfectly trustworthy.
The Wayans in the prosthetics were kind of nightmare fuel. A high level of suspended disbelief is necessary to accept just how fast these fellas can apply and/or remove these constrictive clothes and delicate prosthetics. I can’t see them applying spirit gum and attaching these masks in a matter of seconds. They were likely in the makeup chair for hours every day when they had to wear the masks.
Also, I have a question. Did they find women who look like Shawn and Marlon Wayans as white women or did they just make the women wear the same shaped masks? The likeness between the actual women and the Wayans brothers wearing masks is uncanny. I actually had a hard time realizing I was watching the actual women a couple times when the story would go back to them.
I feel like being black shouldn’t be carte blanc (for lack of a better word) to make fun of Hispanics but I’ll leave that to Hispanics to complain about if they see fit. I don’t want to generalize or associate a particular mindset to a particular people group (not even the non-golden retriever blondes) but if the outcry against the cancellation of Speedy Gonzales is any indication, Hispanics are the chillest people I know. ¡Nadie es ilegal! …especially Speedy.
Offensive or not, the scene where the Wayans were masquerading as very stereotypical Hispanic characters was just cringy and went on way too long.
Ultimately though, this film was a lot of fun! We were giggling throughout. I appreciated the lessons the main characters learned throughout the film. Fish out of water films have a tendency to impart new perspectives. The appreciation characters have for the feminine side of life is admirable and I don’t just mean dainty frilly clothing that rides up their crack. I mean they experienced inappropriate advances from men, first and second-hand body shaming, social anxieties, and true non-sexual camaraderie and genuine friendships with women. Dude’s jealous girlfriend had nothing to worry about and probably got some new friends out of it too. It was beautiful.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have that typical white girl song stuck in my head and I need to sing it from my convertible.
“Making my way downtown! Walkin’ fast, faces pass! And I’m homebound! Doodly-doodly-doodle-doodly!”
That is my jam, man! Someone should do a metal version of that!
Boxart!
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