Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

(2026)

MAJOR SPOILER ALERT! EYE PURPOSEFULLY WAITED THIS LONG TO POST THIS SO EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE THE MOVIE! EYE WROTE ABOUT EVERYTHING!!! YOUVE BEEN WARNED!

I also refer to Wandavision (2021), The Punisher (2022), The Marvels (2023), Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness (2022), and Deadpool & Wolverine (2024).

ALSO! Sorry. Also, I wrote this in the distant past and I’m not sure as to certain variables so I’ll just put in some place holders. Hopefully I’ll remember to fill them in before this posts automatically three months from now.

Now that [insert amount of time] has passed I feel I can post my thoughts on this film and maybe a handful of people will actually read it. With an unprecedented [insert ludicrous dollar amount] in ticket sales, obviously Brand New Day did quite well, especially when compared to other Marvel films which seem to have missed the mark recently. I’m looking at you [Insert Marvel film that recently tanked].

Spider-Man: Brand New Day was excellent. Hopefully everyone knows that by now. I just wanted to start off with that because, while I enjoyed the film thoroughly, it also dashed a few hopes I had that were personal to me.

I still thought the movie was a lot of fun though. I certainly don’t want to present like a toxic fan who requires a movie to be all MY way or I hate it. I’m not the filmmaker after all. Destin Daniel Cretton was trusted with the job of directing and that trust has been rewarded.

SPOILERS! REMEMBER!?!

Everyone killed it in this thing too. The acting is astounding all around. The turmoil Peter was enduring while seeing MJ grow more and more distant from his personal social sphere (or lack thereof) was made quite palpable. I was in literal tears (of elation and then sadness) when the couple seemingly reunited at last, only for Peter to realize he was being tricked by the villain. That was so relatable for me. I had a run in with a telepath. Wasn’t pretty.

Dang man! I’m so invested in these characters though! I was verklempt just like Peter! Am I going to start shooting webbing out of MY OWN wrists soon!?!

Oh, yeah, I forget. I have to be bitten by a mutant spider AND be emotionally distraught. Well, I have one of those going for me so looks like I’m half way there!

There were some subtle signs that this MJ was not MJ at that moment. Normally this MJ didn’t like swinging; scared the crap out of her. But for the moment she was perfectly calm while swinging. I knew something was up. Later, when she was herself again, she was freaking out while web-swinging. Subtle, but effective.

I really like how they did the Hulk in Brand New Day. Seeing him go from rather large Professor Hulk (whom we are used to seeing in the Avengers) into the gargantuan Edward Norton-sized Hulk was quite the sight. I don’t mean he was the size of Edward Norton. Edward Norton is 6 feet tall and 165 pounds. He can practically look through a keyhole with both eyes. The man has to run circles in the shower to get wet and keep a pencil in his mouth to prevent himself slipping down the drain. An Edward Norton-sized Hulk would not be impressive. Could you imagine a Hulk who gets skinny and weak when he gets angry? That would be hilarious.

Anyway, I just want to stress the point: The movie was great and the following paragraphs are not complaints really, just things I would like to have seen in SOME movie eventually (even if not this one) but probably won’t get to now because of the direction Cretten chose to go and that’s perfectly fine. I’ll be fine. Really. I’m not crying.

First of all, I had been pining for a 1v1 Spidey vs. Scorpion film since Toby Macguire showed up in 2002. I realize Scorpion is kind of a paired down Dr. Octopus, having only one mechanical arm thing instead of four but, in the comics, Scorpion had a fascinating storyline. He was essentially the Bizarro Spider-man, conditioned to believe he was in fact THE Spider-man and that THE actual Spider-man was an evil impostor sent to destroy the saintly and benevolent Oscorp. Or something like that. It would have been cool to delve more into Scorpion’s backstory but he was really only a pawn in Brand New Day, a short-lived one at that who was introduced unceremoniously. That kind of bummed me out but whatever.

We never saw much of The Rhino either but that’s Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Man movies not these… although Sony WAS involved in this film. I wonder why that was. We got to have the Lizard and Electro from the Andrewverse in the last Holland film. Will we ever see Venom and/or Kraven the Hunter against the MCU’s Spider-Man or Spider-Men? What about Morbeus? What about that live-action cameo of Donald Glover as Prowler in the animated Spider-Man: Across the Spider-verse?

When do we get to see a live-action Spider-Gwen?

The Shocker came and went too back in Homecoming (2017. God, I feel old). I would have preferred Shocker over Electro. I always thought Electro was dumb looking in the comics AND the Andrewverse but they did him right when he came over to Holland Land. I always thought Shocker was cool in the comics but they kind of made fun of him and sent him on his way in the films. Only his gauntlets make an appearance in Brand New Day.

And while we’re crossing universes, what about Nicholas Hammond’s Peter Parker from 1979’s The Amazing Spider-Man TV show? Does he at least get a cameo? Would anyone recognize him or care? He played Frederich Von Trap in The Sound of Music (1965)! Why would no one care about that!?! What about his stunt double Fred Waugh!?! Or his stunt double’s dog!?! I bet Fred had a really cool dog and he deserves some screen time, damn it! I refuse to see this film a fourth time unless they retroactively insert Fred Waugh’s dog into a scene!

I have an excellent idea! Let’s just change the subject.

OKAY HUGE SPOILERS AHEAD! I JUST WANT TO GIVE AMPLE WARNING!

Apparently the Staten Island incident to which Spidey and The Punisher kept referring only happened in the comics. The way they kept mentioning it though, I had to skim through The Punisher (2022) Disney+ series to see if Spidey ever showed up. He didn’t. Seems like a missed opportunity.

I was really baffled as to who the villain could be, then kind of confused when she was revealed. I know they’ve been methodically introducing the concept of the X-Men into the MCU ever since Wandavision (2021). But making Jean Grey a sympathetic villain was rough for me. She is now directly responsible for what I can only assume is the DEATH of an innocent bystander. I’m sorry but that elderly gentleman who gets hit by the car is not going to make it. Argue her side however you will, that is a hard-to-remove tarnish on the character.

I notice they’re leaning way into Spidey’s mutation aspects. Is that so we will relate Spider-man’s universe with the mutants of the X-Men storyline? I’ve said it before, but in the MCU, the normal folk seem to love Spider-man and other heroes but the X-men storyline is VERY different. People fear the mutants in the X-Men comics. It’s very much a story against the evil of racism, segregation, and even genocide. Other than some multiverse mumbo jumbo, I just can’t see these storylines melding very well. If normies in the story start to hate all the MCU heroes ALONG with the mutants from X-men then it will just be an X-Men-esque storyline which will inevitably culminate in YET ANOTHER DARK PHOENIX SAGA!!! WE’VE HAD TWO ALREADY, PEOPLE!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

I love most the X-Men storylines. I don’t need to see them pulled into the MCU. I don’t need Spider-man and Wolverine in the same movie.

But here we are.

I guess we’ll see what happens.

Anyway, that probably sounded like a lot of negativity but ultimately I don’t care. Brand New Day was fun regardless of my petty complaints and observations. It’s just fictional entertainment governed by a company whose sole purpose is generating obscene amounts of cash. They put someone in charge who clearly cares about the IP enough to make an enjoyable film. So I guess everything worked out. It’s more than I can say for whatever is going on over at DC. Yikes! Supergirl, what happened!?!

Anyway, thank you for reading and have a [insert adjective] day!

Banner Art!