Professor Popinjay's Compendium of Perspicacity

A Non-review by Professor Popinjay

(2015)

Fair warning, I’m going to spoil the crap out of this.

ALSO THIS ARTICLE IS NOT FOR KIDS!!! If you’re under the age of 111 do NOT read this. Go on a magical journey to Rivendell or something.

Don’t worry, I’m not a “Skullector” and I’m not going to do a Monster High deep dive. I did however research as much as I felt inclined to research so as to have some idea of what I’m writing about here.

Obviously these DOLLS and their associated media are not necessarily directed at my demographic per sé but their inclusive message implies anyone is welcome to enjoy their aesthetic and various forms of entertainment, which I appreciate. That having been said, while the design of these characters do appeal to me from an artistic standpoint, the media is far from stimulating…to me anyway.

Two of my kids watched this, one of whom demanded I be present. The other was just along for the ride. The demanding one is 14 and is the older of the two. I detect this 14yo grasps this show is a bit beneath them intellectually but is choosing to enjoy it semi-ironically. Not to say they don’t genuinely like parts of it. The character design is pretty cool even if you’re not really into high school drama acted out by classic horror monster girls.

That’s right, Mattel has achieved what Universal Pictures could not: Make classic horror monster IPs relevant to modern audiences. And they did so by appealing to little girls who wanted an edgy alternative to Barbie. With one billion dollars worth of Monster High Dolls sold after just three years of their existence, maybe Universal should have turned Frankenstein’s monster, the Wolf-man, and the Mummy into trendy teenage debutantes a long time ago.

 But this isn’t a doll review blog so let’s look at the animated feature Boo York, Boo York.

The plot tries to be surprising but it’s ridiculously predictable even for its intended audience. At the same time there’s a lot going on, like too much. The mummy father of the De Nile family wants one of his daughters to basically marry a member of the Ptolemy family to secure their lineage into a prestigious dynasty. Standard mummy stuff. This is complicated, however, by the fact that the intended daughter, Cleo, is already in a relationship which the other daughter, Nefari, sabotages to accommodate their fathers wishes. Meanwhile, a meteor is headed toward the Earth and every effort to prevent it reveals to the audience that there is a being contained within the meteor. Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, one of the girls who came along for the ride to Boo York is falling in shallow infatuation with a not-so-random Egyptian street performer. Did you get all that?

The voice acting is actually pretty decent. I never noticed any really cringy deliveries. The one thing that took me out of it a bit (not that I was overly concerned with being into it) was the noticeable difference between the speaking voices and the singing voices. The father of the De Nile family sounds like a 5,000 year old mummy while speaking but when a song comes on he sounds like Justin Bieber. But hey, who am I to question mummy magic?

Probably my favorite aspect in all of this is Cleo’s boyfriend is the son of Greek mythology character Medusa. His name? Deuce! I don’t know about your household, but in mine, “deuce” is synonymous with poop! We had a wonderful time laughing about Cleo’s sister trying to make her drop a deuce throughout the film.

Then of course there’s Cleo’s line: “I’m so happy to be in Boo York, holding my Deuce.”

Now THAT’S entertainment.

As you probably expected, the Egyptian street performer turns out to be the sole heir of the Ptolemy family who runs away with… I don’t know Draculaura? I literally do NOT care. Cleo reconnects with her Deuce (snicker snicker) and De Nile Dad hooks up with Ptolemy Mom as they should have from the beginning. Meanwhile the meteor explodes or something (IDNGAS), revealing a new character named Astranova who reveals in an after credits scene that she is connected via inter dimensional portal to the spin-off world of Ever After High, a separate but equal set of fairytale inspired dolls by Mattel which never really sold well so the cross over movie was cancelled but from Ever After High another spinoff was spawned called Enchantimals which also immediately fizzled out ultimately resulting in this run-on sentence.

Speaking of things that go on and on, the runtime was an hour and ten minutes which was about 65 minutes too long, partially because I was bored af and partially because the internet was running slow and for some reason the video kept skipping backward a good ten minutes every so often. When this happened I was sure to speed back to where we were because there was no way in hell I was watching it twice in one sitting. That being said, it was pretty inoffensive… at least to me.

Of course there are the pearl clutchers and whistle blowing Karens that have complained about the promotion of unrealistic body images and hypersexualization of material directed toward kids but I saw nothing to uphold these notions. The relationships might be a bit shallow but the message of inclusivity is clear.

I used to watch Pooh’s Corner and it didn’t compel me to become overweight and walk around with no pants on. Well, I wear pants anyway. Regardless, these are ten foot tall monster girls with heads the size of beachballs. If you’re worried about little girls trying to achieve that body type, I’m worried about you. Maybe let the air out of your own beachball and replace it with some braiiiiiins.

As far as hypersexualization, it’s clear these characters have never heard of sex any more than the people who willfully watch this shite.  Me thinks Karen doth protest too much and should probably go hypersexualize herself.

Optional tangent:

In 2022, executive VP of Barbie & Dolls at Mattel, Lisa McKnight, said “We’ve been waiting for the right moment to reignite the Monster High brand to connect with […] issues that are core to our purpose, like inclusion, diversity and community […] with the updated franchise focused on being authentic, true to yourself and celebrating differences.” *

They have “reignited” the Monster High brand about three or four times now. Each time it’s even MORE inclusive and each time the hype fizzles out faster. I hope this is due to the natural ebb and flow of interest in monster themed properties and not due to the growing population of people who oppose inclusion despite its accordance with the belief system to which they claim to adhere.

It’s always easier to call someone an irredeemable monster instead of loving and understanding them. Ironic that sexless shallow monster cartoon characters would know more about that than some of the real monsters I’ve encountered.

Keep it coming, Mattel. You’re awesome!

Reference:

*McKnight quote taken  from Watson, Cole (May 13, 2022). “Mattel targets collectors with resurrected Monster High toy line”. Kidscreen. Brunico Communications.

Oh, yeah and BOXART: